dealing with his depression

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
dealing with his depression
15
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 6:50pm

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 7:01pm

You've only been dating for four months. Not only are you placing some pretty high expectations on him for such a short relationship, but you have to understand that in these few months you will be finding out a lot about him and you HAVE to decide what does and does not jive with what you want in a boyfriend. Unfortunately if you want him to be the kind of guy who easily gives emotional support, he's not your man. He's also not your PROJECT. His depression belongs to him, and it's his to fix if he needs to.

"But after that I didn't hear from him after a week and another member of my family is also in critical condition in the hospital, so all this is very hard on me. I wanted to see him ( I didn’t tell him what was going on) but he said I was putting too much pressure on him. I was furious when he said that and so I took out all of my frustrations and anger out on him and told him everything that’s going on with me and I told him that I can’t be with someone who's not going to be there for me when I need them as I would be there for him nor will I wait for him to make time for us so we can get to know each other more."

I don't mean to offend you but these are the consequences of your secret expectation for him. You didn't want to burden him with the bad news, but at the same time you expected him to just know that something terrible happened and you blew up when he didn't immediately figure out your surprise. You're blaming him for your crazy behavior. Unbelievable.

I agree with him. This relationship seems to be moving VERY quickly and on top of that, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy that wants to deal with a woman who needs what you need in a relationship.

If you want my unbiased opinion I think this guy is in the process of breaking up with you and honestly it seems like it's for the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 7:31pm

Welcome to the board candaiankleo,


Sorry for your loss.


For the frist 3-6 months most people are on their best behavior, doing all the fun stuff and enjoying the excitement of a new relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2008
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 2:00am
Depression is such a cop out these days. I know there are truly depressed people out there but in my experience, when a guy suddenly gets "depressed" when things have been going smoothly its a sign he wants out and is just being a big wuss about it. He wants to slowly pull out or play the field and find a lame excuse to explain why hes been MIA without sounding like a jerk. I've dealt with too many "depressed" men to believe it anymore. Just cut ur loses, hes not worth ur time and effort.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 6:30am

"Depression is such a cop out these days."


yeah, guys claiming depression to justify their behavior ranks up there with PMS and post-natal depression from women, doesn't it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 6:40am

"it made me so frustrated and I yelled at him"


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 7:18am
IMHO and in my experience, at 4 months into a r-ship where a man is wildly into a woman, in love, in lust, call it what you want, has all these various butterflies when confronted with the sight of her, is simply crazy about her etc etc ... even if he truly was depressed the very last thing he would do is remove her from his life. Why would he? If she really brought him 'new r-ship' sort of joy? Logically? The 'I am depressed therefore we can't see each other at all /have to slow down/can't see each other all that often' is right there with 'I am still dealing with issues from my past' and 'Work is being terriby hectic and stressful'...........
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 7:46am

"4 months into a r-ship where a man is wildly into a woman, in love, in lust, call it what you want, has all these various butterflies when confronted with the sight of her, is simply crazy about her etc "


This is an assumption - we can't tell if this is actual fact or not given the information provided.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 10:02am

Apologies, I must have phrased it somewhat vaguely.


What I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 12:17pm

Thank you for all your inputs...I really appreciate the honesty. You may be right he might be using his depression or whatever as an excuse to softly end the relationship (cowardly if I may add), but what I have known from him and knew him from before we even got together like waayyy before, we practically grew up together but we were never close, that he is a straight up, tell it like it is kind of guy, he doesn't hide anything. If he had something to say he will say it and respectfully. I'm not trying to make excuses for him but from the last time when we talked

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 12:42pm

IMHO - In my humble opinion


The letters were changed around so I'm assuming it was a typo.





Pages