Dealing with a past
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Dealing with a past
| Mon, 01-26-2004 - 6:15pm |
Okay, here's my story.
I'm 18 years old, my boyfriend is soon to be 20. I have been with him for 6 months now. When he was about 13, he had two seperate encounters with 21 year old women that included oral sex. I don't know why, but I asked him to tell me what happened the other night. Now I have nightmares and I've become depressed. I don't want to think of him sexually at all (whereas before we would have sex 2-3 times a day) and, although I'm not mad at him, I can't get the ideas out of my head. I'm natually a jealous person, but usually I can get over it. It was my own fault for asking but I'm feeling as though I can't deal with this. Please help me figure out how to get over this, it's starting to interfere in my life and my relationship.
-Maja
I'm 18 years old, my boyfriend is soon to be 20. I have been with him for 6 months now. When he was about 13, he had two seperate encounters with 21 year old women that included oral sex. I don't know why, but I asked him to tell me what happened the other night. Now I have nightmares and I've become depressed. I don't want to think of him sexually at all (whereas before we would have sex 2-3 times a day) and, although I'm not mad at him, I can't get the ideas out of my head. I'm natually a jealous person, but usually I can get over it. It was my own fault for asking but I'm feeling as though I can't deal with this. Please help me figure out how to get over this, it's starting to interfere in my life and my relationship.
-Maja

Also work on your self-confidence and self-esteem, it will help.
Reading material to consider:
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
How to Succeed at Being Yourself: Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny, by Joyce Meyer
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
My best to you.
Carrie
Thank you for your response. I'm not sure exactly why I feel the way I do...I have had a very sorted and rather 'wild' sexual past, and just the thought of him with those women makes me sick. I don't know why this bothers me more than anything. We have an amazing relationship and I love him. I know that coming from an 18 year old that may not seem like much, but at the risk of sounding cliche, I'm older than my years would lead one to assume. I know he loves me too, and I've told him how it bothers me, and he just gets upset and says that I asked him to tell me and that it doesn't mean anything and that he loves me. I don't doubt his feelings for me or our relationship, but I don't know how to get these thoughts to go away. I'm just sickened by them and any time I think about it (which is unfortunately and uncontrollably all the time), I have these vivid images my mind constructed and it makes me sick to my stomache as well as feeling like crying.
-Maja
This all happened before you right? Meaning he didn't cheat on you? Then it really is something you have to get over.
Carrie
Yeah, this all happened before. He was 13 at the time and the two women were both 21, one a waitress the other a nurse. I guess what really bothers me is that, a) it disgusts me that someone 21 would do that to a 13 year old (it wasn't abuse, he wanted it and asked for it, but still...) and b) he described doing something to one of them that he does to me (sitting on my chest while I give him a blowjob)and also, it was all them giving him handjobs and blowjobs, in total there were 3 incidents (1 w/the waitress, 2 w/the nurse). My boyfriend is obsessed with blowjobs and I don't know...I'm just really hurt by this. Other than that, we have an amazing relationship, by far the most loving and healthy I've ever been in and people have told me that they're jealous of how good we are together. It's almost like I can't forgive him for something he did over 6 years ago! Am I crazy?
-Maja
that is the very reason why you don't ask for intimate details and you don't tell when you are asked.
never.
you opened the door to this and you have to close it. and for heaven's sake, don't *talk* to him about it... just drop it and ignore it from now on and quit asking questions you won't like the answers to.