dealing w/ boyfriends promiscuous past

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
dealing w/ boyfriends promiscuous past
2
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 10:34am
I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now, and I still cannot get over the fact that he has slept with 27 other women, and has cheated on the majority of the woman he has dated. It was worse in the beginning when we'd go out and these women would be around. He didn't have to tell me he slept with them, I saw it in his face. It's a very weird situation to be in, when you, your boyfriend and 3 women he's slept with are in the same room. That doesn't happen as much anymore but, every once in awhile he'll say "Hey, remember that time we were having sex and blah blah blah..." And I just look at him in utter disgust and say "No sorry, that wasn't me..." He tries to cover himself up but I'm not an idiot. I think about this often, and sometimes if he even tries to touch me when I happen to think about this, I cringe. I don't know why I can't let this go after 2 years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 11:50am
Well, I am not sure if I can give you an answer as to why you feel this way, but I thought I could maybe give you a little bit a comfort and assurance to know that you are not the only one. I would feel the exact same way, and I really don't know if it is something I can deal with. I am fortunate that I married someone with a squeaky clean past, and that is something I am thankful for. However, that is not what always happens and so I know you must be in a tough spot. For one, I think it is very disrespectful that your boyfriend brings up sex things that didn't even involve you. If he can't remember who he did what with - he needs to keep his big mouth shut to assure that he doesn't hurt your feelings. I was also wondering - is this the only issue that you and your boyfriend are facing? (not including every day normal issues all couples face) Do you see a future with your boyfriend? I assume since you have been with him two years, you do, but I am curious to know if you want to marry him and have children with him. You might consider seeing a counselor to see if they have any insight as to the real issue at hand. I mean, maybe it bothers you for other reasons - feelings of insecurity? I am not sure, I am not a counselor. But, maybe that is the real issue. You don't agree with his promiscuity and the way it is seen (the ex girlfriends and such) and maybe it isn't something you want to deal with. And that is okay. I think this is sounding confusing, and I am sorry. Hopefully it makes enough sense!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 1:44pm

sorry, i don't know if this will help you - but why on earth are YOU with a guy who is promiscuous and cheated on most of his GFs? and on top of everything else, he is either an idiot or just tacky - why else would he bring up those sexual incidents that didn't include you?