Decoding his behavior after

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Decoding his behavior after
1
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 2:41pm
Hi All,

I am so heartbroken. Friday night, I made a romantic dinner for my boyfriend of 6 months. I cooked all this food, bought roses, put them on the table and spread rose petals all over the table. I then put candles on the table so that we would have a romantic dinner together. I wanted to set the mood, so that we could have “the talk”. He had brought a nice bottle of champagne over. After dinner, I told him I did not feel we were getting closer after all these months. He said he felt we were closer, but I said I did not feel it. I did the bad mistake of comparing him to my ex boyfriends, which pissed him off. I told him I didn’t want to just date for fun, but I wanted a companion, someone to build a relationship with. (By the way, I needed to have a talk with him because we are simply spending only 1 –3 days a week together. But it just didn’t come out right.)

I thought we were fine after the talk, and he was receptive but later in the middle of the night he left around 3:30 am and said he had a bad headache (due to all the champagne he drank that night) and said he should go home since he couldn’t sleep and did not want to toss and turn all night. I told him I could give him aspirin, but he didn’t want it. This is first time he has ever left in the middle of the night and did not spend the night and morning with me. Coincidence after we had the talk?

Before he left he said sorry for leaving early and thanked me for making the nice dinner. I kissed him and told him to call me later and let me know that he was okay.

Around 1:30 p.m the next day, I didn’t hear from him and so I called him and left a message. I just said, that I was worried about him and I hope he was feeling better.

He finally called me later that night around 8:30 pm and apologized again for leaving early, and said when he got home he couldn’t sleep either. He thanked me for the nice dinner again, and asked if I was going out with the girls that night. I said yes, and he said he was staying in tonight since he was tired, but that he would call me tomorrow.

Background: About a month ago, I had a problem with him saying he would call me at a certain time and not call a day or 2 later. I told him it made me feel like he didn’t care when he said he would call at a certain time and not. He said he did care, and he was really sorry and was not aware of it. He promised he would never do that again. And he never did…until now.

He did not call me yesterday, when he told me he would. I think I scared him away. I think he purposely and consciously did not call when he said he would, to let me know he does not want to be with me. I am so heartbroken, because I was falling inlove. I think he probably thought I was being needy and to controlling and so he is pulling away. I mean he KNOWS it hurts me when he says he is going to call but doesn’t and did it anyway by not calling me yesterday when he said he would.

Please tell me, is he pulling away? Is he breaking up with me? Calling him is not an option for me. I have already acted to needy and need to pull back.





iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 1:31am
It sounds like your bf is playing games with you. He may have some genuine feelings for you, but he doesn't sound very trustworthy. When a person says sorry for something, they are not truly sorry if they continue to behave the same way. Sounds like he's insecure and maybe enjoys knowing you are upset when he doesn't call when he says he will. (Since you told him it hurts you, you would hope he would acknowledge that and respect your feelings....) Perhaps it is a boost for his self esteem knowing that you will be hurt by it. Don't let him pull your strings. I would wait for him to call you, then lay it on the line. If he's not able to be trustworthy, or respectful of your feelings, he's not worth cooking dinner for, or anything else for that matter.

Good Luck