Depression or another woman?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Depression or another woman?
4
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 4:01am
My husband had all of he signs of midlife crisis & depression. I was riding the tide. He announced last week that he did not love me & has moved to an apt.

How do you tell if it is another woman or depression?

Dandelion

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 5:19am
Did you look at the credit card bills and cell phone bill to see if there is anything "fishy?" What do you mean by signs of "midlife crisis?" What about your sex life leading up to this? There must be something else you see to help you know what is going on.

Moving out is a big step. You must protect yourself.

If I was you I would hire a private detective to get to the bottom of it. You should also talk to a lawyer so you can find out what to do about the money and your assets - many of them will do an initial consultation for free. And if you don't have a lot of friends to lean on, you should talk to a counselor.

You cannot control his actions - only your own.

My guess would be it is someone else. I don't believe he would take so drastic an action unless he had a reason.

Do you have children?

Good luck, keep us posted. And keep your chin up - this is not about you, it is about him being a dodo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 10:37am
He has 3 daughters 26, 21 & 16. I have a married daughter 33 & a son 13 yrs. old.

My son' s daddy died last May 26th...and now this!

My STBX went into a shell, mentioned that he was depressed over his age & net worth not being what he wanted it to be at this point in his life, he began coming home later,did nnothig at home except watch TV ot talk to his high school buddy on the telephone, turned his back to me in bed, quite socializing with our usual friends, stopped contriuting to our household finance bills, stopped telling me anything about his business or decisions, etc....detached!.

Dandelion

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 11:23am

There is no way to tell that unless you have some certain evidence or unless he tells you outright. Often mid-life crisis is associated with depression - and sometimes men feel a strong need at this point to be young again, be free and re-think their lives. If there have been unexplored problems in the marriage, at times like this, they seem unbearable. The best thing, of course, is for your husband to seek professional counselling to get clear about what is truly going on. That is his choice, however. As for you, it would probably also be a good idea to work with someone who can help you deal with this crisis and decide where to go from here. I also recommend my book Why Men Leave, which has a large chapter on Midlife Crisis so you can better understand it.


All good wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 12:32pm
He feels like he has made many mistakes & that he has ruined what little he has left of his life, etc. Is that typical?

Dandelion