depression or just bad relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
depression or just bad relationship
9
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 10:46am

I'm been feeling depressed for a while now... i've broken up with this guy but a couple months later i'm so depressed, I get back together with him. I'm stressed out with life in general. So confused about whether my life has purpose.

So, needing an opinion.... some nights i feel alone and just want to be alone. But when i've told my boyfriend, he acts like i'm being mean to him. He says, can i come over. And i'll say, no i'm tired. Then he starts making lame excuses like but i left my charger at your house or i have all my clean clothes at your house. ... he's exaggerating, i feel. So i'll get a little more angry and say, no i want to be alone. Then he'll say i'm starting an argument. Then i'll say, well, i'm not in the mood to have you come over.  I'm tired and i want to be alone.

Anyway, from my perspective, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. He acts like i'm punishing him. Well, he came over the night before and was grumpy.... cursed at my computer because it was working slow. He was distant and did'nt talk much to me. So, if i have a night where i want to be alone... that is not passive aggressive. Is it?

I've been rambling. I don't even know if i just want validation... but i'm either depressed or just dealing with pms.

Thanks for listening.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 12:52pm

I think your BF is being disrespectful of your wishes.

Even as a married couple, my DH and I give each other space when it is needed. 

While you maybe a couple, you are also still an individual and that means you need to nurture yourself as much as you nurture your relationship.

I would sit your BF down at a time that you are both in a good mood and explain to him that you do need down time and you need him to respect that.  If he is unable to do that for you, then I would possibly reconsider the relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 1:49pm

Is this the old DJ BF or someone new?  I do think you have a right to be alone if you want to and that if he's not understanding of this it shows a lot of neediness and immaturity--maybe you should give a 2nd thought to this relationship.  You're not starting an argument by saying you want to be alone--he's starting the argument by not accepting that and trying to convince you to change your mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 3:49pm
yes, same BF. but he got a day job now and rarely does DJing.

I won't deny that I can be b* some days. And when the phone dropped the call yesterday, i didn't feel the need to call back. And when he called back (again and again), i just didn't answer the phone. I was tired of arguing. My point was made etc. Is that bad behaviour on my part? Then he sent me a nasty text about how he's getting tired of my behaviour... How we are suppose to be a team etc. Gee, he really lacks respect of personal space....
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 4:27pm
Everyone needs their time, their space, their own activities. No point in arguing over and over about it. If he can't understand that, then he is not the right guy for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 8:45am

 

Loony,

I remember you well from the Second Marriage board..

There was talk of engagement, marriage, church, being a father figure to your chilren, raising them together,...what happened to all of that?

What are your main issues, if you don't mind me asking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 11:39am

Loony,

I remember you well from the Second Marriage board..

There was talk of engagement, marriage, church, being a father figure to your chilren, raising them together,...what happened to all of that?

What are your main issues, if you don't mind me asking?

 

I have been back and forth with this guy for a couple years now.... He talks like he's positive we are meant to be... but from my point of view, I haven't made that decision yet. I'm still waiting for him to prove himself. I'm still waiting to see if my worst fears come true or not.

And, yes, lonelyness was definitely a factor in getting back together. It's hard to explain. I thought i'd be stronger than that... I used to be just fine being alone. But this last time, I was miserable and just couldn't shake the feeling. So, then i thought, ok, i'll give this another shot. Maybe i'm suffering from depression?

Main issue is trust. I talked about couples counseling in the past but we never went. He started coming to church with me but i found out he was just going thru the motions. I was completely upset and that's part of the reason we broke up back in Feb. 

He gave me my space (after i pitched a fit). His point of view is that when he's in a bad mood he still wants to be around me. And i said, well I get into my moods and I just want to be alone for a while.

Thanks for the feedback. I am reconsidering all the factors.

 

Loonybunny