Depression/suicide, answers
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Depression/suicide, answers
| Thu, 07-19-2007 - 1:48pm |
Almost 3 years ago I was in a relationship that ended, and was having to deal with the grief of the loss alone. It was a quiet serious relationship. I had to check into a mental hospital for depression because I did not care whether I lived or died. The Dr. prescribed me Wellbutrin XL 150 and ordered visits with a psychologist. Well once I returned home I went further into a deep depression and took almost 30 Wellbutrin XL 150's along with 5 phenergan so I would sleep through the event.I have yet to have any kind of closure with that relationship, I almost dwell on it and become so empty and heartbroken all over again. Much like it just happened today, even though its been 3 years. Note, this person doesn't live anywhere near me, so there is no reason for me to even think of her per chance of running into her or what have you. So my question is that do you believe that there is a possibility that because I was so distraught and overwhelmed with grieve when I attempted suicide that it could have opened a door for me to always feel this grief and sorrow? Its not natural for a 3 year grieving period is it? Could the emotions I felt mixed with the wellbutrin cause my mind to stay tuned in to that event? Its a periodic thing, something will trigger those feelings and send me back feeling the very emotions I felt 3 years ago.Its scary how real it seems and its every couple of months. Do you think the Wellbutrin caused permanent damage to my mind and memory, relapsing to the most depressing moment I've faced? Like locking my memory and emotions from 3 yrs ago into real time? I just really need and want some closure with this issue. Ive moved on in the sense of dating someone else and have been with someone for almost 2 years now, and I love her. I just dont know why that I still cry sometimes over the last relationship...the emotions are still very real...and very strong..the grief, the sorrow and pain...I relive that situation every single day of my life...I just want it the pain to stop..

Welcome to the board sunnieky,
Have you talked to the doctor that prescribed the Wellburin for you about possible side effects? If not, I would do so. I would also suggest seeing a counselor to help you work through why you are still feeling things so strongly three years after the breakup.
Best of luck to you.
glitter-graphics.com
Welcome to the board sunnieky,
I hope Dr Shoshanna answers your question.
Three years is too long to go on grieving. It's time you took control of this and got your life back on track.
For many people, using antidepressants can actually INCREASE suicidal feelings and depressive tendencies. It's great that you took that step to ensure your own safety, but it is very clear that you are just one of those people for whom Welbutrin just is not the answer.
You should also understand that closure does not necessarily lead to acceptance, nor does acceptance necessarily hinge upon having closure from your last relationship. If you think that knowing exactly what went wrong will give you piece of mind, you are most likely incorrect. Acceptance is an internal battle that you have to fight on your own with the mental tools you have, and it can be done even if she dropped off the face of the earth and you never saw her again. You just need to keep telling yourself that the relationship is over and decide for yourself that you will move on. Understanding that we cannot always control the people or situations around us leaves us a lot of free rein to focus on ourselves, since we only have power over our own actions and thoughts. You will find the answer to happiness when you realize that you don't need the closure you think you do. That relationship is over, it was an experience, and your experiences help you to become who you are now.
I highly suggest finding a qualified therapist in your area who can help you gain acceptance with yourself and your situation.