Desperate! How can I help my husband???
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Desperate! How can I help my husband???
| Mon, 06-28-2004 - 11:12am |
My husband is a police officer and has had his share of trauma or "critical incident stress" over the last 10 years. He is 35 years old and we have been married 3 and 1/2 years, been together about 5. Before we met, he sought counseling a couple of times, once after losing a close friend in the line of duty and again after his first marriage fell apart. The counseling never went beyond one session. From what it sounded like, he was not a good "fit" with the counselors, they did not support or understand the unique sitations and stresses of police. In the last 6 months we have had to deal with some things beyond our control, serious family illness, a close friend moving away. In addition we were talking to him about starting a family, which is on hold right now. I think the stress from these incidents have "overloaded" his system. He is not dealing with anything, he is avoiding and distancing himself from me and his family. He goes out to local bars nearly every night of the week and often stays out all night with friends having gotten too drunk to drive home. He tells me that he is unhappy and does not know why. He says he still loves me and still wants to be married I looked into a counselor who specializes in police/critical incident stress that I had heard about a who is few towns away and found out about a seminar he is conducting in a coulpe weeks. I have communicated with the counselor and he encouraged us to come to the seminar. My problem is, how do I convince my husband to go to the seminar or make an appointment with this counselor? I have told him about it and asked him to go. He has to get someone to cover some work stuff before we can commit to going and he has yet to even try to get someone to cover for him. I have tried to get him to realize how important this is to our marriage. (my patience is wearing thin, I have put up with so much crap over the last 6 months I don't know how much more I can take!) I don't think I can wait 'til he hits "rock bottom" and seeks his own help, it is hurting me too much now, I can't wait much longer. I have done so much and put up with so much, and I feel like he has done nothing and would continue like this indefinitely. I feel like I am nagging him, and he has told me I am, but we need to do something soon. What should I do? How should I approach this? I am not going to give any ultimatums that I will not follow thru with, so how should I proceed?

Have you told him how serious your feelings are and how he is driving you away?