In desperate need of guidance
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| Fri, 12-12-2003 - 11:21am |
Fast forward several months. I was trying my best to do the friendship thing with her. I was slowly becoming more and more angry and feeling taken for granted. I finally backed off and stopped calling/messaging. I also got a new prestigious job, and soon after lost the job that I shared with her. Things were really starting to change. In her typical hot and cold friendship fashion, she started calling me late at night, like 12 and 1 in the morning telling me she was upset knowing I wouldn't be a phone call away if she wanted me. She let me know it really bugged her to not have me "always there". Time continued on and I still kept to my policy of staying further away from her. She'd be the one to call, and she'd be the one to initiate any nights out.
Here we are now. Two weeks ago I was out with another girl. I missed a phone call from this girl on a Saturday night asking me out. Two days later I got another call from this girl asking if I wanted to spend the night with her watching movies and making food. I said I was interested, but only if she was serious. I said serious because she often times cancels at the last minute or has something come up. Well... The weekend came by. I accidently bumped into her in person, and had her tell me she had to postpone the movie date. Not in a mood to hear it I started to walk. I came home later that night to a message from her apologizing saying that she wasn't cancelling, just delaying, and wanted to get together the next day. Sure enough the next night came along, I was ready... But nothing.... I get a call around midnight from her telling me she was late getting into town after a family function. She asked me if I still wanted to do something in about two days. I just started laughing at this point. She got angry. I told her whatever... And she started accusing me of not really caring about whether we hung out because I was all "whatever" and "who cares". So what's the deal???? I'm supposed to be an emotional wreck for her? Well... Sure enough the next day comes along. I arrive home from an afternoon shift to find that she had messaged me on the computer explaining she couldn't get together because of a relative in town for the night. She said that I probably thought she was the bad friend again... And that I probably hated her. She was really sorry to keep doing this to me. I saw her late LATE night online that night... But she never messaged me. I refused to talk to her. That was earlier in the week. So here we are. I've refused to call and am still left wondering what's going on.
Any opinions? Is she getting off on doing this to me? Is this because I stopped giving her emotions, and she's trying to evoke an emotional reaction? I've never snapped at her before... I've actually been so passive with her. She knows me fairly well, and has NEVER seen me as angry as I can be. I always go quiet instead of saying something that might hurt her. The last phone call with her she knew something was wrong and kept prodding me to tell her what was on my mind. She kept telling me to say whatever I wanted to say and "Get it out" because she knows me and how I am with people. Some friends have suggested in her own twisted way she gets off when I assert myself. She wants me to be the man and shut her down. She thrives on that they say. I just don't know what to think... To be ditched so many times when she asked ME out is just confusing and hurtful to me. Does anyone have any ideas what she might be thinking? How do I handle this now? When she calls next, do I just hang up, do I say something mean, or do I blow it off completely? I need help.

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You have to take care of you. I think you did right by calling her on her stuff, finally getting mad about the way she treats you, stands you up, makes plans and breaks them - that's called being a FLAKE. If this was any other friend, would you have put up with it? You excuse her behavior and we are all confused as to why you do this, why you allow her to treat you this way????
Carrie
The conversation went on and I realized more and more things could never work. She'd say stupid things that just frusterated me. Months ago I bought her a bracelet as a thinking of you gift. I had NEVER seen her wear it for months. I even remember her saying she felt awkward getting the gift because she wasn't sure if it was an attempt by me to coax her into bed. She asked me if I noticed what she was wearing the other day. I said no, I wasn't looking at you. She said she had the bracelet on for the first time and she loves it. Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought that was a confusing thing to say to a guy considering the story behind it.
Well... That's how it went down. The call lasted over 2 hours. She wanted to make plans again to come see me and make things up to me. She kept apologizing, saying she'd make it up to me. I just said I wanted my things back and I had no desire to hang out with her. So that's that. I get my things back in a few days and I get the benefit of a face to face encounter. I'm terrible on the phone, and I know she uses the phone as a bit of a shield. Once those things are back in my posession, I can look her in the eye and say goodbye for good, and walk and not look back. :)
Maybe she will learn a lessen about how to treat her friends now.
Carrie
I got a message from her the other night at 2 in the morning. Back in the day we had talked about a resort area that we both enjoy. I told her I had a friend there who could give me a place to stay and get most of my things for free. During the conversation the other night, she asked if I still thought of going. I said yes. She then told me she would be in the resort town for a few days with her girlfriends. I asked if that was her way of asking me out. She didn't respond with a yes or a no. She simply said if I was going to be in the area, it would be great, and we could party. I guess I found this kind of odd. I had never mentioned I'd be going up there in the near future, and it seemed like she was trying to hook up.
You guys tell me if I'm wrong. Is this a mixed signal considering how it came about? Was this a come on? We're supposed to be just friends... And her asking me if I'll be in a resort town 6 hours away so we can "party" almost seems like a come on. Am I wrong?
Well, we were excited for you too soon.
Sometimes you offer great advice, but you're really not one to tell me what I'M thinking.
I was curious about a comment she made, and I was wondering if anyone wanted to take a look at it. Don't worry, I am letting go and cutting off contact. I'm just not gonna stonewall her before I get my stuff back and risk not getting stuff back.
Okaaaaay, then.
Figuring her out is pretty much a waste of time, in my opinion, but heck our minds do work in weird ways.
Carrie
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