Desperate For Some Advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Desperate For Some Advice!
4
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 8:42pm

This is going to be long.


I've gotten myself into quite a situation, and I take full responsibility for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 10:54pm

Since Will feels he is a changed man, then why not find out if he is now willing and able to start paying you back the money he owes you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 05-09-2008 - 12:20am

Hi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 3:35pm

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 9:32am

Twice in your post you explain that you have to "beg" for something. I just want you to realize that a good relationship does not require begging, nor does begging get anyone to change their mind for you. If he does not feel that he wants to be with you forever, and by some miracle you got him to change his mind through verbal manipulation, in the end that's still not how he feels. Avoid this tactic at all costs unless you are under duress by terrorists. Will was probably smart not to give in however, he knew he was too young to make that kind of commitment.

If you are still in love with Will, then you are not having the relationship with James that you should be having. I am going to assume that the relationship James has with you is one where he is in love with you and no one else. He deserves that in return, and if you cannot provide that for him then HE is the idiot for staying - but at least you have been up front about it.

Will has proven to you time and time again that his promises do not mean anything. He wants you back primarily because you are with someone else and he's not dating anyone right now. He may TRULY feel that he has changed so much because he is desperate to have you back. Or it may really be the truth. If you theoretically went back to Will I am guessing there is a 90% chance that you would still have to deal with him flaking out on commitment EVEN IF he is better about it than he used to be. That's a risk you have to be willing to take if this is the path you wanted.

You know you started dating James way too early. You didn't have time to get over Will and as a result, here you are. I am not going to tell you what to do with your decision, I'm only here to help point out the obvious which sometimes become muddled when you're the one in the situation. Please, if you stay with James make a sincere effort to get over Will and do not respond to Will's attempts to win you back. And if you want to go for Will, don't scope it out while you're with James. Make a clean break, tell Will you need some time to be alone and in that time he can start paying you back the money he owed you from before.