Despratley needing advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Despratley needing advice
3
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 2:55am
I am in a situation at the moment where i just dont know what to do for the best and I am in need of an outside view. My boyfriend and I have just seperated we have been together for two years we are in love and spend all of our time together, we live together are building a new house in the same street as my parents together and everything was good appart from one thing!! He is 14 years older than me (22 / 36) and is desprate to start a family. I am unsure when I will want a family and am still at uni, he feels like he is running out of time and doesnt want to be an old dad. We seperated because of the poor timing in our relationship but now I am looking at my life without him and I ffel that my life is better with him, I am seriousley considering starting a family with him, I am thinking of telling him that if he is willing to give it another go and we are still happy at the end of the year I will start a family with him. I am a mature 22 year old, I dont like the night life and much prefere to go for a meal and a movie with my man or even just spend the evening cuddled up together. Also I have come to a stage with my uni degree where I dont think I am in the right area and dont like what I am doing.

Sorry this message is so long but do you think I am making my decisions for the right reasons???
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 6:34am
Uh, any discussion of marriage?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 10:48am


"I am unsure when I will want a family and am still at uni, .....I am thinking of telling him that if he is willing to give it another go and we are still happy at the end of the year I will start a family with him."

You are contradicting yourself and it seems like you are sacrificing your needs for his.

'he feels like he is running out of time and doesnt want to be an old dad'

I know plenty of happy first time dads in their 40s but that is his decision.

'Also I have come to a stage with my uni degree where I dont think I am in the right area and dont like what I am doing.'

Then change. That is what happens in school. People change their majors all the time. That is what you should be doing at your age. Exploring what you want. Also a major in school doesn't necessarily mean that you will continue in that field for the rest of your life. Talk to an advisor about this before you leave and get pregnant.

"I am a mature 22 year old, I dont like the night life and much prefere to go for a meal and a movie with my man or even just spend the evening cuddled up together."


That doesn't mean you are ready to have children.

Think long and hard about what your goals are and what you would be sacrifing and giving up for him. Will you resent it in the future. People change drastically in their 20s and you may wake up at 30 with a couple of kids wishing you had made different choices.



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 11:45am
I agree with Ciao_Gina. And if I were in your situation, there would definitely have to be no doubt that marriage is coming and is right. Your partner doesn't seem very accommodating, he sounds like he's rushing you, when you should be compromising. I would DEFINITELY finish my degree first, I can't imagine having a child and going to school. You need to have that for yourself in case things don't work out (though you never think that's a possibility), I have seen a lot of posts from women who have given up something like that to stay home and then when it doesn't workout, there isn't much to fall back on. If he loves you, he would give it a little more time, especially considering a man's biological clock doesn't stop ticking nearly as early as a woman's, and let you finish up your degree, get married, and settle in together before you commit to raising a child - you can never go back once you have a child and in the whole scheme of things the time it would take for you to tie up those loose ends is just a blink.

 

Tiffany