Devastated...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Devastated...
5
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 7:37pm

My bf of 4 yrs broke up with me in February for what I felt were really flaky reasons which confused me immensely but they were reasons I felt we're completely workable...love is sacrifice - atleast thats what I thought. So we worked on a friendship since then, which was really hard for me but now I found out through a third party that he cheated on me in October.. WAY before I thought anything was wrong (we didnt start fighting til like end of January). I am so hurt but he does not know that I know he cheated on me (with a friends with benefit) I dont even feel I can be his friend anymore...

Should I confront him and tell him that I know? If I dont, I feel like he'll just get on by thinking it wasn't wrong (because it was a friend with benefit situation..) when it CLEARLY was the real reason we broke up instead of all the lies he told me. But another part of me is conflicted, and feels like I should just ignore him completely... I dont know what to do, I just know I am devastated.. this was my best friend....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: madison817
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 8:33pm
I think you should truly move on. Perhaps you stayed friends with him because you were hoping you'd get back together with him, but you've found that he is not to be trusted. I wouldn't say anything to him, I'd just stop seeing him at all and start the healing process. You're devastated because you haven't let go and you need to do that. I'm sorry you're hurting but he isn't the one for you, and you'll only find the right one when you let go of the wrong one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: madison817
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 11:08pm

Welcome to the board madison817,


::Should I confront him and tell him that I know? If I dont, I feel like he'll just get on by thinking it wasn't wrong


It won't do any good to confront him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
In reply to: madison817
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 11:19pm

This is pretty hard for me.. I mean you dont spend 4 years with just any one. Suffice it to say, the advice on here has been really helpful. I have these urges to just contact him and tell him off but now I know I can atleast try to be the better person.


Because we had been working on this friendship and I had found out about it and haven't told him I know, he's been trying to get a hold of me over AIM and a few calls

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: madison817
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 12:57am

::but I guess theres really nothing he can say anyways to make it better and I don't think I should give him the peace of mind when he hurt and lied to me for so long..


You are right, there is nothing he can say that would make you feel better.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: madison817
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 12:08pm

Honesty is always the best, especially in a situation like this. Calmly and clearly let him know what you know and how you feel about it. Let him also know that it's impossible to be friends with someone who lies to you. (Friends with benefits are not acceptable when an individual is in a committed relationship, no matter what he says, how he twists the truth).


Beyond that, it's usually a painful and difficult situation to remain friends with someone who has broken off a romantic relationship. It's unfair to you, keeps you from really being free to move on with someone new. This way, he gets the benefit of your love and friendship and can be free to be with others as well. It's unhealthy in the long run.


Let this go, take back your self respect and move forward in ways that are