Devastated...
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 04-15-2008 - 7:37pm |
My bf of 4 yrs broke up with me in February for what I felt were really flaky reasons which confused me immensely but they were reasons I felt we're completely workable...love is sacrifice - atleast thats what I thought. So we worked on a friendship since then, which was really hard for me but now I found out through a third party that he cheated on me in October.. WAY before I thought anything was wrong (we didnt start fighting til like end of January). I am so hurt but he does not know that I know he cheated on me (with a friends with benefit) I dont even feel I can be his friend anymore...
Should I confront him and tell him that I know? If I dont, I feel like he'll just get on by thinking it wasn't wrong (because it was a friend with benefit situation..) when it CLEARLY was the real reason we broke up instead of all the lies he told me. But another part of me is conflicted, and feels like I should just ignore him completely... I dont know what to do, I just know I am devastated.. this was my best friend....

Welcome to the board madison817,
::Should I confront him and tell him that I know? If I dont, I feel like he'll just get on by thinking it wasn't wrong
It won't do any good to confront him.
This is pretty hard for me.. I mean you dont spend 4 years with just any one. Suffice it to say, the advice on here has been really helpful. I have these urges to just contact him and tell him off but now I know I can atleast try to be the better person.
Because we had been working on this friendship and I had found out about it and haven't told him I know, he's been trying to get a hold of me over AIM and a few calls
::but I guess theres really nothing he can say anyways to make it better and I don't think I should give him the peace of mind when he hurt and lied to me for so long..
You are right, there is nothing he can say that would make you feel better.
Honesty is always the best, especially in a situation like this. Calmly and clearly let him know what you know and how you feel about it. Let him also know that it's impossible to be friends with someone who lies to you. (Friends with benefits are not acceptable when an individual is in a committed relationship, no matter what he says, how he twists the truth).
Beyond that, it's usually a painful and difficult situation to remain friends with someone who has broken off a romantic relationship. It's unfair to you, keeps you from really being free to move on with someone new. This way, he gets the benefit of your love and friendship and can be free to be with others as well. It's unhealthy in the long run.
Let this go, take back your self respect and move forward in ways that are
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.