DH cheated, possible STD
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| Thu, 04-19-2007 - 2:33am |
Last summer DH became reacquainted with a girl from his past (25+ year ago). DH ‘saw’ something there, and at risk of destroying our family, he pursued it. (I’m not going to go in to details here, too painful). I ‘felt’ (intuition?) that he was having sex with her, he denied it (of course), and I had no proof. Every time I felt that we were working things out, he’d go back to her, after all (in his mind) they’re friends. One of the biggest problems that I had was that he became emotionally detached from me. Not someone that you’d look forward to having any contact with, be it emotional or physical.
In March, we started to work things out for real, he realized that she CAN NOT be apart of his life without ruining our lives. He finally admitted that he DID have sex with her last summer, more than once. He also tells me that she has genital herpes, but ‘they mostly used a condom.’ - his words, not exactly sure what ‘mostly’ is. (So I guess in his mind that that makes it okay?)
DH and I had sex during the time that he was with her, and lying to me about the status of their relationship. He KNEW that she had herpes, he chose to have sex with her despite that fact, and he chose to put me at risk by having sex with me after have sexual contact with her. I have been tested, (negative) he refuses to get tested. His attitude is, that ‘if I don’t have it, than he doesn’t have it either’. I think that it is possible that every time he had sex with her, he put himself at risk. So at this point, to keep myself safe, I have been refusing to have sex with him until he gets tested.
So now I’m in a rough spot. DH acts as if since he said, ‘sorry’, that I should just ‘get over it’. But the fact is, he disgusts me. I can not even sleep in the same bed as him. Being near him just gives me the heebie-jeebies and makes my skin crawl, all I can think of is him with this horrible woman. He says that he wants to work things out, but after all the lies and deceit, I’m not too crazy about trusting or believing him.

This marriage may be damaged beyond repair. Maybe a good counsellor can help.
Hi katfeemom and welcome to the board,
Most couples can't overcome betrayal and rebuild trust on their own.
I am sorry you had to go through this. I think you should stand firm and not have sex with him until he is tested. His behavior was very selfish and irresponsible and I don't blame you for being upset and disguisted by him.
If he truely wants to work on the marriage, tell him you need two things. For him to get tested for stds and to go to marriage counseling with you. If he refuses, than you know where you and the marriage really stand to him.
glitter-graphics.com
If he really wants to work things out he will get tested and put your mind at ease so you can try and work on the relationship together. I too would not have sex with him until he gets tested and you know for sure he does not have it. Do not risk your health for him!
I also think his actions shows how much he does not care about you. He could have given you an STD, a loving caring husband would NOT do that.
Good luck.
Hi there!
I couldnt believe when I read your post about your man cheating with someone who had genital warts.