DH thinks I'm cheating - but I'm not

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2001
DH thinks I'm cheating - but I'm not
5
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 3:22pm
blessings!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2007
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 3:46pm

Does anything in these writings of his make any sense to you? It seems as though maybe he thinks you are having an emotional affair and not a physical one.Is there some one you spend a lot of time with/confide in besides your DH? What I mean is are there any behaviors that he might reasonably interpret as something more? If he is depressed he may be angry as well. He may not actually be angry at you but see you as his easy target. Some of what he wrote seems to be a stream of consciousness. How long has he been on the meds? Has he thought of switching to something else? I have personal experience with severe depression. Sometimes things are said that are truly not meant . However it is not really an excuse and can and most likely will destroy your marriage if he does not stop and get a hold of his emotions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 3:53pm

Welcome to the board schmarrie,


My suggestion is to try and talk to the counselor and/or doctor who prescribed his depression medication about your concerns. It appears that he feels you are avoiding him and doing anything and everthing possible to not spend time with him. Do you spend less time with him lately than usually? Do you have any idea where he could be getting this from?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2001
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 4:22pm

Lately I have a hard time saying that I spend less time with him.

blessings!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 10:37am

Anti-depressants are a range of medicines and they work differently.


Your husband and his psychiatrist need to work together to find the proper medicine, and then the proper dosing.


It sounds like the choice of medicine is wrong.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 10:46am

Clearly your husband feels distance from you, from your heart, and also from himself. He has become extremely sensitive, his defenses are down and he needs to have excellent intensive psychotherapy, for himself, not just marriage counseling. Seeing a counsellor together can be valuable as well, when he feels clearer about what's going on within himself.


Rather than say to yourself that he's totally flipped out, why not say that his needs are more intensified now, his fears and thoughts are more to the surface and he is having trouble expressing the depth of what's going on. Compassion is needed now, not rejection or judgment. I can understand how frightening and troubling this is to you, but it's important to give the situation time, care and patience. The first step is to find a really well trained, compassionate psychologist that he can relate to. He needs to sort out what's going on within with a professional. Let him know you love him and care about him and are there for him through his journey. The more patience, acceptance and compassion he receives, the better it will be for all concerned.


Best wishes,