did he break up with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
did he break up with me?
7
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 4:32pm
My boyfriend of 3 years, with whom I have been long distance for last year, has been telling me lately so many things, I dont know what to believe anymore. For once, he had an interest in another woman who he dated for a few weeks. The he told me he can not replace me with anyone, and its not working out with her and he will slowly stop dating with her because she a coworker so he can't do it suddenly. Then he went into great details how we will get back to the relationship we had, and he always loves me, and wants to be only with me etc etc. And I asked really are you lying because you give me such hopes please dont lie and he swore he wasnt lying. Then suddenly when I called his home real late, whish I knew he was home working late that day, he got real upset, said I was checking up on him again. Next thing I know, he said "I broke up with you and you need to understand that", and I said this is contradicting all the things you told me earlier, and he kept saying how he had had as much patience as he could with me but it's over. In the morning he calls to tell me that he said that last night because I started checking up on him again (and he hates that) so he said what was most painful for me so I stop checking on him, and that we will be back together.

So anyways, what am I to believe? Should I throw out all hope that we get together and understand that we really broke up? Which is the truth? Both things were said with so many details and conviction by him, that they both seemed the absolute truth when he said them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 4:41pm
I have no clue if he really broke up with you, but my question would be 'why haven't you broken up with him yet?'

He's working out with, has feelings for another woman (co-worker) and wants to stop dating her slowly? Which means he's in a relationship with both of you at the same time and maybe was looking to her to fill the void when you aren't around?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 4:53pm
Itwinflame,

Thank you for your reply. Well, I havent broken up myself because I really love him and for 3 years ...well..its a long time to be together...i mean its like i think abt him every day, i planned to marry him etc etc etc

So if I break up it'll take me ages to even get over him...and who knows abt finding anyone else...i didnt have any bf before him and that was after 24 that i started to be wi him...not that im ugly or anything...but somehow i just dont click with most people and Im not very social at all...

Audrey
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 5:20pm
All the things you see as problems in moving forward can be healed, corrected and overcome. As long as you stay with him, your actions tell him (and the universe) that his behavior is acceptable to you, him cheating on you, dating someone else at the same time, is ok with you. Is that the message you want to send?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 5:31pm
I know the situation very well and I know when you feel that someone knows you so well that can't be replaced, but for my experience the sooner you make your decision and either break up or accept the fact that he can break up with you anyday the sooner you will start healing your heart. And it is better if you are the one who breaks up, but you will have to be very strong not to go back together because it could be even worst.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 9:43pm
well, you aren't going to want to hear my version of this but here goes....

The reason he bacame irate when you called him late and made such a big deal about having already broken up with you and not having any more patience with you is because SHE WAS THERE. It was all a show for her because apparently he has told her he is not with anyone and he couldn't very well talk to you with her there. Think about it...do you ever call him late? and if this was the first time you did, why would he automatically assume that you are checking up on him. He was caught and his guilt got the better of him so he made you out to be the bad guy and put all the blame on you, saying that he had already broken up with you. Then he calls you the next morning kissing ass. The only reason he had for acting the way he did on the phone was because she was at his house. Three years is alot of time but its better that you see him now for what he is than after 10 years of marriage and several kids later. If you guys are supposedly still together even though he lives in another place, there should be NO REASON for him to be dating or even talking toanother woman, whether he works with her or not.

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 5:35pm
ITA!! That was my impression also.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 8:24pm
'I called his home real late, ...he got real upset, said I was checking up on him again. Next thing I know, he said "I broke up with you and you need to understand that",

Do you think that maybe she was there and he said that for her benefit. Then the next day, after she left, he called you and said 'that he said that last night because I started checking up on him again'

Why are you putting up with this? You are letting him define the relationship at all times. You must have no respect for yourself.