Did I do the right thing by leaving him?
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Did I do the right thing by leaving him?
| Sat, 01-10-2004 - 9:08am |
My boyfriend and I had been dating a year. I broke up with him briefly last summer because of his committment issues. Then he wanted to get back together with me saying he wanted me in his life but still "needed space" and couldn't promise me the future, but that we could see where things go. Naively I got back with him. So for the last 4 months we kinda slipped into a relationship again and spent the holidays together. Just when I felt we were close, all of a sudden he had a talk with me about where the relationship was going and that he knew I wanted a relationship with a future and he wasn't ready. We were back to square one again. So he said he still wanted to see me, but we needed to put up "boundaries" and stop sleeping together and try to become friends more to have a deeper emotional attachment, and possibly see other people. He wanted to get together this weekend and meet somewhere to talk more. I admit I have been guarded with him emotionally because I didn't feel secure with him. But I broke up with him and said it would be too hard to continue seeing eachother and remain friends.That one day maybe we would be, but not now. I just felt like his motivation there was to string me along and I had to cut it off. Did I do the right thing, or was it a premature move?

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I don't think he was stringing you along though. He was honest and in touch with what he wanted and didn't want.
i think you did the right thing - even if you are heartbroken right now. he was ok with a "friends with benefits" kind of relationship - and you weren't.
do something nice for yourself this weekend.... hugs
Peace - Pebbles
You did the perfect thing, and the timing was far from premature. Clearly, this guy does not understand himself, has real committment issues and is not ready to be in any kind of solid relationship. Staying with him would simply be playing with your heart and wasting your time. It is not possible to remain "just friends" with someone you have deeper feelings for. This prevents you from letting go and moving forward to someone new who would be there for you and much healthier. Also, the fact that he suggested seeing others while you were friends, shows that his feelings for
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Good luck to you for making a decision that will benefit you greatly in the long-run.
When I first talked to him I said we had to stop seeing eacohter FOR NOW, leaving the door cracked so to speak. He was fine with that and told me to call him anytime to see him as "friends." Then I changed my mind and broke things off entirely, frienship and all. Interestingly enough I haven't heard from him and probaby won't. This reinforces my guess his intention was to have his cake and eat it too.
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