Did I do the right thing by leaving him?

Avatar for leanne78
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Registered: 06-04-2003
Did I do the right thing by leaving him?
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Sat, 01-10-2004 - 9:08am
My boyfriend and I had been dating a year. I broke up with him briefly last summer because of his committment issues. Then he wanted to get back together with me saying he wanted me in his life but still "needed space" and couldn't promise me the future, but that we could see where things go. Naively I got back with him. So for the last 4 months we kinda slipped into a relationship again and spent the holidays together. Just when I felt we were close, all of a sudden he had a talk with me about where the relationship was going and that he knew I wanted a relationship with a future and he wasn't ready. We were back to square one again. So he said he still wanted to see me, but we needed to put up "boundaries" and stop sleeping together and try to become friends more to have a deeper emotional attachment, and possibly see other people. He wanted to get together this weekend and meet somewhere to talk more. I admit I have been guarded with him emotionally because I didn't feel secure with him. But I broke up with him and said it would be too hard to continue seeing eachother and remain friends.That one day maybe we would be, but not now. I just felt like his motivation there was to string me along and I had to cut it off. Did I do the right thing, or was it a premature move?

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Avatar for leanne78
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:40pm
I like how you put that, always running towards something and never catching it. That's exactly how I felt. I was with him a year, except for 6 weeks there, and I never really felt close to him. I felt like I almost didn't have a boyfriend. I was always doubting him. It was a terrible feeling. Now that we have been apart a few weeks, I see what a jerk he was. He was so good at manipulating me he should get an award! His argument for wanting to be friends "for now" was so maybe we could become emotionally closer, because he claimed were nothing but friends with benefits and it never moved beyond that. Duh!! He WANTED it that way, so then when we slipped into a relationship again and started seeing eachother every weekend and the holidays, suddenly he freaked out. He wanted to put a spin on it to keep me in his life but also keep me at a distance. I will never go back to him.

It feels really lonely now and I do miss the wonderful times we had, but when I look at the big picture I see how he did mistreat me. It's funny how you can't see things when you are in the relationship. To think I felt guilt right after breaking up with him, thinking maybe I should have stayed friends to see where it went. That's how much of a hold he had on me!

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