Did I let my true love go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2011
Did I let my true love go?
7
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 3:06am


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Qanda407, if he was your true love...if it was meant to be....then it wouldn't have ended.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

There's really no such thing as "one true love".

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
So you are assuming this couple of month, once-a-month relationship with this angry, vindictive, resentful guy has somehow matured into this ideal partner?

It sounds like you are idealizing what he is and what a solid relationship should be. If you are bored then do the guy a favor and break up with him or make a commitment to work on the relationship. As another responder said, it takes work to keep a relationship alive, fresh and deeper.

Mark
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

qanda, the way you feel doesn't mean anything other than the way you feel. It doesn't mean he's really your "true love", if we could convince ourselves that our feelings had power in the world outside of our brains, then we'd spend our time with crystal balls and tarot cards rather than making real changes. But the truth is, you are unable to let go for real reasons. You shouldn't be in contact with the guy anymore. It's not helping. I would STRONGLY suggest seeing a therapist to look at these feelings further... They are very significant to you and they are preventing you from having the life you really want, whether or not your current boyfriend is "the one" for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006

I think you're confusing "true love" with "first love". I am 54 years old and still have "feelings" for my first love although I discovered (about 13 years ago) that my fondness is really more about how I felt about him than for the man himself. You see, when we happened to be reunited after having had no contact for nearly 24 years, I was shocked (and a bit disappointed) to discover that he was not "all that" after all. Even so, my memories and feelings about "my first love" have not changed.

What I'm trying to say to you is that it is not only possible to have more than one "true love" in a lifetime...but you will only have one "first love"...and THAT is what makes it so special. Understand that allowing yourself to move on does not make that any less real.

Having said that, it seems to me that perhaps it is not your exbf that you are longing for but, rather, the desire TO FEEL the way you once did--because your current relationship, despite all that is good about it, is not fulfilling those needs and that has nothing to do with your exbf. My advice is to focus on the relationship you are in now and figure out how you really feel about your bf. Above all, remember that the even though the grass may seem greener on the other side doesn't mean it will look the same close up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2011