Did she cheat? An anatomical question.
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 07-13-2004 - 8:26pm |
1. Prior to her brother Jim’s wedding, Jane had mentioned Bob several times with quite a bit of respect, almost reverence, describing him once as having movie star looks and confidence (which I subsequently learned was accurate).
2. While in college, Bob had roadtripped to Jane’s school a few times and she did a summer semester at Bob’s college (don’t know if he stayed in town that summer, though).
3. At Jim’s wedding, their mother reserved two suites at a hotel for the night before and the night of the wedding, one suite for her and Jane, the other for me, Jim and Bob, who was Jim’s best man.
4. The wedding night I was dead tired (I had just staggered through an 80 hour week at work) and felt like I was coming down with a bad cold, so when Jane wanted to dance, I apologetically passed.
5. Bob asked Jane to dance and while they were dancing, Jane had a look that I can only describe as pure ecstasy – thrilled, joyful and excited like I’ve never seen her at any other time, including when I proposed or on our wedding day and night. Bob truly has Hollywood looks, is extremely suave/smooth and I suppose is a great dancer, also.
6. After the reception ended, I couldn’t stay up for the several after-wedding parties, so I said goodnight to Jane, who said she was going to head toward the soda machine on our floor of the hotel to get something to drink and then call it a night.
7. One minute after I got back to the suite I was sharing that night with Bob, my roommate-for-the-night came into the room, rummaged for something in his suitcase, grabbed something that fit within his hand, placed whatever it was in his pocket (some condoms?) and headed out the door.
8. Given the timing and the location of our rooms and the soda machine on the floor, Jane and Bob must have passed each other in the hallway – they could not have missed each other.
9. Bob spent the night elsewhere – he staggered back into the room at about 8 a.m. that morning and his bed was still neatly made.
10. The next morning, Jane was in a complete daze – I had to repeat things two, three, sometimes even four times before she heard and responded. She was more “out of it” than at any other time, even when she was sick, and she was extremely distant toward me that whole day.
11. Around 1:30 that afternoon, after we returned home, Jane and I fooled around, having made plans several days in advance for an afternoon of romance, as we had not had sex in more than two months (which at that time was sadly not that unusual but that’s for another story). Jane was completely disinterested and still in a daze; I expected that she would ask to postpone (which I would have respected), but she did not.
12. At all other times in our relationship, when we have not had sex for more extended periods of time, Jane has been very tight and we could only have intercourse with a liberal amount of K-Y jelly, even when she was quite excited.
13. That afternoon, I was able to slide my penis easily into Jane without any sort of lubricant at all. In fact, her vagina was much, much looser than it has ever been before or since, including those weekends when we have had sex multiple times.
14. To this day, Jane claims she has never masturbated, she did not own a dildo or vibrator, and had not done anything in the prior several days (bicycling, motorcycling, horseback riding, etc…) that I can imagine may have caused her vagina to stretch in that fashion.
I should mention that on the morning of the wedding Bob came out of the shower, went to his suitcase and when I looked up from watching TV I discovered that he is extremely well-endowed. In fact, he could put most porn stars to shame and might have given John Holmes a run for his money.
So, my question on the female anatomy is as follows: is there any conceivable innocent explanation for why Jane was so loose 14 hours after I last saw her the night before? It seems almost self-evident that if a woman has sex with a man with a very large penis, her vagina will stretch, but will that condition last more than half a day later?
I’ve never asked Jane about that night and considering that Bob lives over 1000 miles away and I haven’t really had any other reason to doubt her fidelity, it hasn’t been particularly imperative that I make an inquiry. I had put that event mostly out of mind until when Bob came to town recently. Given all of the above facts, what do you think the odds are that Jane and Bob had sex on Bill’s wedding night? Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to “lay it all on the table.” Thanks for your input.
P.S. I'm planning on posting this on both the infidelity message board and in a more regular sex message board, in order to see if there is any difference in response - I'm guessing some of the visitors dealing with infidelity may be more suspicious than those without fidelity problems.

Pianoguy thinks you've gone "forward into the past" too much.
With all the details in your post, it's pretty obvious that you want to get your wife to admit to something she may (or may not) have done.
This doesn't mean I'm in her corner, but it's clear by your "obsession for chronologically documenting all the facts"...you're either looking for an excuse to end your marriage or hope that your wife (or Bob) will admit that they slept together.
Don't you have any better ways to spend your free time?
Pianoguy
I think this does sound suspicious.
I recently cheated and am trying to save my marriage, in the process reading many articles and books about infidelity.
Some things:
1) Have you two made it ok in your marriage to discuss attractions to other people with each other?
2) If not, then maybe she *is* attracted to him, but can't discuss that with you and is (or is not) wanting to sleep with him when he's available.
3) If you found out that she did indeed sleep with him on that night of the wedding, what would you do?
4) If you are *ready* to know the truth, perhaps you could approach it like this: ask her if she feels free to share with you when she feels attracted to other people, even tempted. If she responds openly to this, then perhaps ask her if she's attracted to Bob (I think that was his name). If she says yes, then perhaps ask her if she wants to sleep with him or has slept with him....
5) All the *good* books I've been reading promote complete honesty in a marriage to prevent problems and affairs. Although it sounds like this is a fling type of thing not an *affair*. Anyway, if she can be honest with you about her attractions, that maybe the best thing for your marriage, even if she *did* sleep with him.
Hope this helps...
EMF
p.s. I know PianoGuy says not to obsess on the past, which is absolutely a valid point... on the other hand this is clearly bugging you and I think open communication with your wife about it is the best course of action.
Clearly, the responses I'm seeking by making this post will not establish any fact absolutely and conclusively, but they may lay to rest a suspicion that I had. You see, the crux of this post - the anatomical question - is outside of my personal knowledge, outside of the knowledge of most men who are not OB/GYN's and realistically, I have no options to obtain an answer for that question other than through a forum such as this one. If someone can, with any degree of authority, expertise or personal experience, explain that my suspicions are unfounded, that is something that I want to know, as it would enable me to gain some peace of mind.
I have no purpose in making this post other than to satisfy my sense of curiosity, however enlightening, masochistic, healthy or unhealthy that may be. I am not presently asking this question for any reason other than it has been on my mind and I wanted to obtain further information. As I mentioned, for a number of years I had given that particular night very little thought, until suddenly Jane is urging me to leave town on the same weekend that Bob is visiting, which was very uncharacteristic and seemed more than coincidental. Pianoguy, your claims that the purpose behind my post is either to end my marriage or coerce a confession is asinine, completely unfounded, insulting and rude. In making my post, I hoped to get some genuinely helpful information, not solicit smartass comments from someone with a twisted imagination.
I frequently visit several extremely helpful, practical and useful internet message boards, such as the various ones on ivillage.com. Unfortunately, I have noticed a disappointing and growing trend. There is a certain sort of individual who submits responsive posts not for the purpose of answering any inquiry or helping anyone, but for the purpose of typing in some "zinger" of a comment and getting some petty little ego boost out of it. Pianoguy, your comment clearly falls into that category and has no constructive merit to it. Don't YOU have something better to do with your time?
Thank you for your response - I appreciate you taking my concerns seriously and writing a reply with the intent to be helpful.
To answer some of your questions, we have a very loose, implied agreement that we can each occasionally acknowledge that another person is attractive. If the person is a celebrity, is absolutely stunning and/or my wife agrees (e.g. Halle Berry, Natalie Portman, young Audrey Hepburn), she has no problems with a discussion of moderate length. However,we have never specifically had a conversation about being attracted to other people. We have had a conversation in which I expressed a loathing for infidelity which she echoed and while it was quite a while ago, I belive it happened before her brother's wedding.
The thing that makes me wonder the most about all of this is there are substantial factors suggesting that my wife would never cheat on me (she is very honest, conscientious and has a great deal of integrity, plus is rather prudish and sexually inhibited - not the stereotype for the cheating wife) yet there is also at least one present sign that is generally recognized as an infidelity indicator - several times a month, she works very late (past midnight, sometimes nearly all night) and since I formerly worked in her office, I doubt that she really needs to spend quite so many hours at work. On those nights she works late I generally can reach her on her office phone, though, so I know she isn't out at some motel, but I know there are several of her co-workers who also frequently work late who are rather fond of her.
What would I do if I found out that she did sleep with Bob? As of right now, nothing. That night was more than five years ago, neither of us can change the past, and with Bob living a three hour flight away, I don't feel any particularly imminent threat to my marriage even if they did have a fling. I would insist on limited, if any, further contact with Bob, though; he will not be staying at my house on his next visit to town. I don't think I would confront her unless the situation particularly called for it. Given that Bob was never on her list of past boyfriends when we've had a few discussions of our past and the fact that he is her older brother's best friend, I have real doubts whether anyone in her position would be candid when confronted with an accusation of infidelity.
I'd say you've got some very compelling evidence. The only contradicting factor is the nature or personality of your wife. I'd say you should talk to her. Leave all the evidence out of it.
"Honey, I've been thinking about something for a long time. I had this feeling that you had something with Bob. Is that true?"
MB