Differences in communication

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Differences in communication
32
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 12:49pm

My gal in another state and I have been committed for some 8 months, we have much in common but here is the issue. My former significant relationships (years back) involved cheating

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 1:17pm

Welcome to the board manlovinshan,


Sorry you are going through this.


When people care about others, they also care about their feelings.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 2:58pm

She does not have to report every detail of her life to you, that would be overwhelming. Either you trust her or you do not. She did not lie by ommission. If you say you must know every detail then you really don't trust her and are keeping tabs on her inwardly. The easiest way to drive a person out of a relationship is to be overly possessive, suspicious and not trust them. If you still fear being lied to and cheated on, work that out with a therapist, don't project it on her and make it an issue that could easily ruin your otherwise wonderful relationship. When a woman loves a man, she does not go with someone else. Just focus on making your relationship as good as it can be and let go of all the concern. Otherwise you'll drive both her and yourself crazy.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 4:39pm

I dont blame you for being concerned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 5:21pm

Thanks for the advice Carrie,


I will get one or more of those books to read.


With regards to her getting angry in response to my concerns it is something I can't figure out and

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 5:48pm

Thanks for your reply Dr. Shoshanna,


Not sure how you concluded that I am seeking every detail about her doings, I am not. I feel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 5:56pm

Wow, you've certainly got a range of advice so far!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 6:16pm

I've been the one that has been cheated on time and time again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 6:21pm

Yes trueblue,


Who

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 6:43pm

Clem,


Pretty good advice.


The thing is I did not make it in to a potential cheating situation with her though in her mind it may have felt that way. The issue for me was that she did not tell me about the planned sleep over, before or after the fact and actually in conversations and through emails made it appear as though she had driven home that night when in reality she did not. Reasonable people can disagree

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 12:11pm

I just wonder how many talks you two have had about this topic prior to the sleep over thing?

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