Disconnected Relationship: Married 15 years :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2012
Disconnected Relationship: Married 15 years :(
14
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 12:25pm

Married 15 years, I've known him for almost 17 years. Our first year was GREAT!! Spontaneous trips, just enjoying relaxing with each other. This is his 3rd marriage and my first. We have had 5 children in our lives; instant family at first with his daughter; now a wonderful young lady, her and I have NO issues at all. Biological daughter at home she is 14. We have an adopted daughter, she is 18. We did have another foster daughter for 3 almost 4 years, things went terribly wrong. She did NOT like having a sibling at all. She left on terrible terms, totaled a car, was missing for 3 days; that was a nightmare!!!! She now lives with her biological mother again. Now we have my 17 year old nephew with us. My sister just could not take care of him. That kind of sums up some background...... Now, it just that I am always the one the take care of ALL of the business of the household. I do everything!! I take the kids where they need to go, I shop for the household, and run extra errands for my husband. He does work full time. I have been disabled since 2008. I was a full time nurse. So, here lately there is no common ground. There is nothing that we just discuss..... It's all household

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 2:19pm
"What am I doing wrong?" I feel like you are LETTING YOURSELF BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF. Your daughters are plenty old enough to help out. They can do there own laundry, wash the dishes, keep their own rooms clean etc. My 37 yr. old niece is also disabled due to back problems and quite severe fibromyalgia. Her daughter just turned 11 and she has to/ has had to for the last couple of years, help out around the house, as it is just the 2 of them living together. She is expected to make her bed, keep her room clean, help with the supper dishes and her laundry, and walk the dog. And I think this is great that she is learning responsibility at such a young age. You really do need to start putting your foot down and stop letting your family take advantage of you. Since their used to you doing everything for them it may take a while (and a few arguments) to get them to help out. I think you need to sit them down and explain your conditions to them and how you are often in pain and tired, and why they need to pitch in to help. And just as a side note, as far as the candy bar goes, I agree with you, who the heck scopes out a candy bar for an expiration date before they buy it??? Now i could see if you brought home expired milk. Sounds like he is just looking for something to complain about. Thing is when a spouse nit picks about something small like a candy bar, I think that is a symptom of a much bigger problem in the marriage. There are 2 things you need to do,one is to sit your H down and have a serious talk about what going on in your marriage, and two is to sit your daughters down and tell them WHY they need to start helping out around the house. GOOD LUCK.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 2:33pm

Well, to start.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 2:45pm

I agree w/ the others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 4:01pm

totally agree with all that has been said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 1:01am

I agree with all the others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2012
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 10:28am

Thanks to everyone that posted a response. I really do respect your opinion, you have given very good sound advice. I'm at the point to just cut my losses and leave. I'm just so tired of the nagging and overly demanding family. You know how things can look really good on paper; however implementing them into action is all together different. I have come to the conclusion that I really only have 1/2 of a marriage and that is my 1/2. There is NOTHING 50/50 here. I would so love to have someone to talk to in the evenings, and make plans for a future; but it is not going to happen. I have been waiting 15 years for it to happen here, and it has failed. It is time for me to take off a few of the too many of the hats that I wear and lay them aside.

**Sick and tired, of being sick...and tired** God Bless:smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 12:55pm

You're so right!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 2:14pm

Before you cut to the chase and leave I would suggest you think about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2012
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 2:31pm

Thanks for the advice, I tried talking last night, and because I shed a tear and showed a little emotion, and I really do mean just a little emotion... One tear, and a quiver in my voice and I guess my expression and it just set him off. Then he blamed me for "starting" and argument?? All I wanted to do was talk. He was in the bed, as soon as he come home from work and that was 4:50pm. I really don't understand, I am at a loss... How do you respond to something like that? It's all so frustrating!!! I don't get the opportunity to go to bed that early!! I have children to raise. I really wish he would rally to the occasion, it would be thrilling to have him engaged in the family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 4:33am

It's very easy to say "sit him down and talk to him"........unless he is a man who will not talk.

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