Disconnected Relationship: Married 15 years :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2012
Disconnected Relationship: Married 15 years :(
14
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 12:25pm

Married 15 years, I've known him for almost 17 years. Our first year was GREAT!! Spontaneous trips, just enjoying relaxing with each other. This is his 3rd marriage and my first. We have had 5 children in our lives; instant family at first with his daughter; now a wonderful young lady, her and I have NO issues at all. Biological daughter at home she is 14. We have an adopted daughter, she is 18. We did have another foster daughter for 3 almost 4 years, things went terribly wrong. She did NOT like having a sibling at all. She left on terrible terms, totaled a car, was missing for 3 days; that was a nightmare!!!! She now lives with her biological mother again. Now we have my 17 year old nephew with us. My sister just could not take care of him. That kind of sums up some background...... Now, it just that I am always the one the take care of ALL of the business of the household. I do everything!! I take the kids where they need to go, I shop for the household, and run extra errands for my husband. He does work full time. I have been disabled since 2008. I was a full time nurse. So, here lately there is no common ground. There is nothing that we just discuss..... It's all household

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 1:36pm

Well good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 12:24pm

When you're ready to do it, you'll know!

In the meantime, you don't want to ask the children to help you because their father doesn't?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 10:27am

I used to hesitate to have my children do things around the house, but not because their father wasn't doing anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2012
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 9:42am

Thanks for your response:smileyhappy: You are right about my hubby, he is a non talker... The children do OK. I do find it difficult at times to request of them some things; when their dad does really nothing around the house. He is a good worker; but for other people. I don't understand it either; but like I said earlier it does make it hard to request some things from them, so that is why I tackle them myself.

I'm still trying to decide if I want to stay or go. You would think that it would be simple, bit it is not. I have no other family to turn to. My Mother and Father have both passed away, and my brothers don't talk to me and my sister is in no position to be of any assistance. I have her 17 y/o son raising him. I don't have any contact with my extended family either, not since my parents passing. It's sad really. But I was my dad's only heir, and I guess they are all upset with me. They really don't understand they just make accusations. Too much to really dive into. He only had $7000.00 of burial insurance, that left me paying everything else. I don't know what they think...

Just read an article on yahoo about the slabs in California.... Hmmmmm???? Just need a fresh start somewhere, a place that I can have a little peace of mind and raise my spirits and get a little respect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 4:33am

It's very easy to say "sit him down and talk to him"........unless he is a man who will not talk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2012
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 2:31pm

Thanks for the advice, I tried talking last night, and because I shed a tear and showed a little emotion, and I really do mean just a little emotion... One tear, and a quiver in my voice and I guess my expression and it just set him off. Then he blamed me for "starting" and argument?? All I wanted to do was talk. He was in the bed, as soon as he come home from work and that was 4:50pm. I really don't understand, I am at a loss... How do you respond to something like that? It's all so frustrating!!! I don't get the opportunity to go to bed that early!! I have children to raise. I really wish he would rally to the occasion, it would be thrilling to have him engaged in the family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 2:14pm

Before you cut to the chase and leave I would suggest you think about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 12:55pm

You're so right!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2012
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 10:28am

Thanks to everyone that posted a response. I really do respect your opinion, you have given very good sound advice. I'm at the point to just cut my losses and leave. I'm just so tired of the nagging and overly demanding family. You know how things can look really good on paper; however implementing them into action is all together different. I have come to the conclusion that I really only have 1/2 of a marriage and that is my 1/2. There is NOTHING 50/50 here. I would so love to have someone to talk to in the evenings, and make plans for a future; but it is not going to happen. I have been waiting 15 years for it to happen here, and it has failed. It is time for me to take off a few of the too many of the hats that I wear and lay them aside.

**Sick and tired, of being sick...and tired** God Bless:smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 1:01am

I agree with all the others.

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