Discouraged

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Discouraged
8
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 11:28pm

I have been married for 4 years to my second husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: vickiakamommy
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 11:55pm

Welcome to the board vickiakamommy,


Have you considered a different counselor?


Have you read any of these:


Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw


Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman


A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
In reply to: vickiakamommy
Mon, 06-02-2008 - 10:38am
How about getting a housekeeper or cleaning person?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: vickiakamommy
Mon, 06-02-2008 - 2:18pm

Welcome to the board vickiakamommy,


Yes there are women who work outside the home and then do everything in the home. Most of them aren't happy. I will admit that I do most of the work around our house. In my husband's defense though, he works at least six days a week and then is always working on our invesment properties (we have 15 houses) or something else when he isn't actually working. If he were just sitting on his butt watching tv, I wouldn't be happy about that.


I agree with the poster that mentioned getting a someone to come clean your home. Would that be possible? Or you could try making out a list of chores for everyone and including him on that list.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
In reply to: vickiakamommy
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 8:07am

Thanks for the recommendation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
In reply to: vickiakamommy
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 3:50am
My heart goes out to you. You scenario sounds so familiar. So many woman go through what you're describing. Have you tried letting certain things go and tell him that you didn't have time he would have to do it? I also think the list is good, but make sure that you make everyone stick by it, not just the kids. Oh and if by some act of God he does begin to help be sure not to critique his work, or go behind him and do it over because that will discourage him from helping any further
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
In reply to: vickiakamommy
Sat, 06-07-2008 - 1:45pm
Thanks for your reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2008
In reply to: vickiakamommy
Sun, 06-08-2008 - 11:26am

Vickiakamommy dear,

Your message / posting makes me realise why prehistoric women were considered to be Goddesses, i.e. superior to men, since they carried the gift of life and motherhood.

Your situation seems to be complicated.
You see, the basic issue you describe pertains to kids and household tasks. How about the other sectors? Did you write down the Pros and Cons?

In order to clarify this, you must rate your union as follows :
===============================================================
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT :
COMPANIONSHIP, COMMUNICATION WITH YOU :
COMPANIONSHIP, COMMUNICATION WITH KIDS:
INTIMACY, SEXUAL PLEASURE :
PRACTICAL, FINANCIAL SUPPORT :

I understand you have taken up a lot of responsibilities, and you are a woman, i.e.
a sensitive creature who's been through a lot, and needs some support and companionship in
all life aspects.

Use the checklist above, and you might come up with some useful conclusions about his role in your life.

xxx

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
In reply to: vickiakamommy
Tue, 06-10-2008 - 10:46am
I am glad that you found my reply helpful. I know what marriage, and motherhood is like.... it's no walk in the park. Being a mother, and wife is an eternal, unending, and thankless job. Your family is no different from most of America households, so your not alone. I know my job became a little easier when I made everyone clean up behind themselves. It was very difficult at first for them, but they learn quickly that "hey I better put this away now, because I might be outside when my mom finds it then I have to go all the way inside just to pick up" So having said that I wish you the best of luck, and keep the faith.