Distance in the Marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2008
Distance in the Marriage
13
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 1:02pm

I have a problem but need a solution. I am tired of fighting, crying, and not moving forward.


I married an amazing man after 4 years of dating. Things were great until we moved to a new apartment because of a change in his job. I missed our old place, hated my new commute, and blamed him everyday. He did NOTHING wrong, and I take complete responsibility for being selfish and destructive in our marriage. It was the first real compromise I had to make and I failed miserably.


Selfishly, I punished him by staying at work later, hanging out with friends over him, and not giving him affection or attention at home. I hid behind work and blamed him for just about everything. He would wait on the couch for me to get home, bored out of his mind. After all the waiting, he decided stop waiting, and started living his own life as well. He stopped asking about weekend plans, or how my work was, or details of my life. There came a point where it hit me that we had grown apart.


3-4 months ago, we finally sat down after sevral fights and came to the realization that there was a huge amount of distance between us and that the spark was gone. This has devastated us, especially since we were both the center of our lives. We are both intensely depressed and saddened by this, especially since we have now become more open about what has happened (as opposed to just pretending everything is okay). I have madfe a committment to change and have grown a lot (agreed to stay instead of moving us back to our old place, have become more supportive of what he wants in his career, embraced his family), but still get stuck in sabotage behavior.


We don't know how to get it back. We may have 2 or 3 days on the right track, and either I will sabotage by causing a fight or demanding attention

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 1:26pm

I'm sure you didn't mean for this to come to me..... I get email notifications when someone replies to my posts.


Also, not sure how group sex applies here.





angels

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 9:55pm
Honestly I have no idea what are you talking about.
At least I did not try to communicate with you.
And yes I did post my suggestion to the discussion board.
Somebody suggested oral sex to person, so why not??
I do know some couples whose marriage were in trouble but got better after they try group...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 12:37pm

You posted to the community leader and not to the original poster.


I agree that

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