Disturbed by the past

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2006
Disturbed by the past
9
Sat, 05-31-2008 - 11:30pm

I have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for the past three years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 12:39am

I can understand why you asked him about his past - the hpv.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 3:02am

Welcome to the board sweetvixen07,


I can understand needing to know about possible STDs including HPV. However, he could have had only one other partner and gotten HPV.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 8:58am

I think you are overreacting at the whole situation. Yes he could have given you hpv, but so could your past partners. How many people did your past partners sleep with?


I don't think there is any reason in a relationship that anyone would ask the other how many they have slept with. I have been with my bf for 3 years and i don't care how many past partners he has had. He does not care how many people i have been with. I do not think it is relevant. If it is a big deal to you, maybe you should have asked from the get-go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 2:03pm
Welcome to the board pie_28 and thanks for participating.




angels

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 2:47pm

If you want to continue the relationship with him, you will have to get over this. If it's going to bother you so much, it will likely come up and continue to cause problems in the future. You will just have to keep reminding yourself that it is in the past until it stops bothering you. Also remember that nothing has changed about him or what has happened between the two of you in the past. It is just that now you have this information you didn't have at the time.

You also shouldn't assume that you have the HPV because of his behavior. Over 50% of sexually active men and women acquire genital herpes at some point in their lives. There is a very good chance you'd still have had HPV if he only had 5 previous partners or even no previous partners.

You can apologize and let him know you are sorry for what you said in a moment of anger. If the relationship is really meaningful to him, he will forgive you and take you back after he has had some time to cool down. Then it is just a matter of watching what you say to him in the future while you work on making peace with this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 3:02pm
I don't think you are overreacting. I think it's a perfectly normal reaction to have. I had the same reaction to my boyfriend's (now husband) sexual past. Although he has only had four partners before me, I grew up with a black and white view on sex. Sex before marriage was BAD and having sex with more than ONE person
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 5:25pm

Has he ever been tested for STDs?
This should have been done before he ever got into a relationship with you. It was his responsibility to himself and a new partner. If you have sex you 100% should be tested for STDs every time you find a new partner.
I don't blame you for the way you feel. HPV does not have much of an effect on men but women have to go through the painful and extremely uncomfortable procedures to detect and prevent it. Of course you're mad, it's not fair. But, you may never know for sure who gave this to you. Since you were free of it last year and your guy has slept with over 40 girls, I have to say the statistics are pointing right at him.
Regardless of who gave it to you, it's still something you will have to live with. Can you ever forgive your boyfriend? Only you know the answer to this, and it may take time. Try to give yourself time, at least, to let the anger toward him subside. Even though your anger is understandable it's also understandable that he does not want it to be focused on him and doesn't want to be around you when you're furious at him.

Good luck, I really sympathize with you. He needs to get tested ASAP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 9:13pm
I think you meant to post that comment to sweetvixen
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 9:47pm
Welcome to the board carby14 and thanks for participating!




angels