ditched relationship for NO reason

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
ditched relationship for NO reason
4
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 1:00pm
Well, to summarize the relationship..

I met Josh through my friend, and I was immediatly drawn to his sense of humor. His friend set us up sort of, and we became really good friends this summer. We were very compatible. We started hanging out a lot and he asked me out, so I said yes to humor him basically because he had been nagging me. At that point he was like my best friend; we talked every day and were really, really close. He was like the ideal boyfriend and we were both really happy with the relationship and had planned to stay together for a long time.

Well, last Thursday I went to see him and everything was fine, and after that he just stopped calling me. I talked to our mutual friend who had set us up and he told me that Josh wants to break up with me and wanted HIM to break up with me for Josh. I learned this on our anniversary (we hadn't spoken for a week at that point). I'm hearing all these awful things about Josh, that he lies all the time and about how now he likes this other girl and wants to ask her out. This is after feeing me lines about how he'd never hurt me and about how I was the best thing in his life and he was gonna try so hard not to screw it up.

I don't see what went wrong, and I'm so hurt and confused by what he did.. Theres no way I can call him.. and I'm miserable; I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have ANY advice at all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 1:25pm
paidtosmilex...

Pianoguy's best guess is that You and Josh....had TOO MUCH TOO SOON! Granted, you might have been the perfect couple---but perhaps Josh got "cold feet?"

Whenever a woman communicates with a man everyday...one or more times...the male often feels like he's becoming...err..."controlled" in some way. This might not have been your intention at all, but in almost every situation I know...men who feel they're 'controlled' will usually disappear...or dissolve the relationship.

If Josh had an interest in somebody else...it's a safe bet that he has "played this game before"---and that the lady he's currently with will suffer the same fate that you did?

While there's no profile on you...I'll bet you have several outstanding qualities and interests that would make many men SMILE! Write Josh off as a 'bad penny'---and give yourself time to heal before you start dating again, okay?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 2:30pm
Well Josh isn't such a good friend after all if he sent sokmeone else to break up for him. He is immature and uncaring. But you should find out for yourself what is the truth and not through a third party. Why can't you call him to hear the truth from him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 12:55pm
Smilex, I'm going through the same situation at the moment as you are. I broke up with my boyfriend on Saturday (yes sweetest day) because he came up with a lame excuse as to why we couldn't go out that night. Later on that night I end up finding out that he had another girlfriend. Our relationship was in the early stages. We had only been together for only a month and a half but within that month and a half we bonded so much that I actually felt that this guy was the One. We spent hours (sometimes up to 3 hours) talking about everything and anything. He would tell me some of his most intimate problems and stories. He also told me the same thing Josh told you that he has never or would ever lie to me. I even told him that if he ever wanted to see another girl to break up with me first because I have been through so much in my past relationships and but to not play with my heart (which he ended up doing!). I believed in everything he said to me so I'm still in shock over his betrayal and deception.

But like Pianoguy posted earlier. Write him off as a bad experience. That is what I'm planning on doing in my situation. Also, take comfort that you are not alone. There are so many other women out there suffering just like we are but we should count our blessings that we found out early on and not later in the relationship when our feelings were more extreme. I wish both of us luck and that we both may find someone that will treat us like we deserve to be treated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 5:27pm
YOU are NOT LESS THAN because of his actions, choices, decision, behavior or due to the fact that he's a coward.


Carrie