Is divorce the answer?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2011
Is divorce the answer?
3
Sat, 08-20-2011 - 11:06pm
My husband and I have been together for 8 years, marries for 6 years, and have 2 daughters - 2 and 4. I'm a SAHM and he owns his own business doing manual labor working 12 hours 5 days and working at home all weekend cleaning and doing miscellaneous projects. He is a "doer.". He can't sit still. We don't do any family activities on the weekend because he is so preoccupied by all of his "stuff" he has to do and we are lucky if we ever eat dinner together - the occasional family dinner out. I try to get him to include the girls in his weekend projects and he almost always says no and acts annoyed. They are desperate for daddy attention. I get NO help with the kids - never have. He sleeps downstairs 6 1/2 nights a week. When we do see each other all we do is bicker or argue because I'm always telling him what we all are missing from him and he is always saying how sick of this rat race he is in - the bills, working, responsibility. He is very manic - I ride a very emotional roller coaster - he has diarrhea of his emotions/the mouth and then takes it back 2 hours later but e damage is done for me and our kids. He is moody always, you cant say ANYTHING to him. He does great with housework, but never reads to his girls, has no patience for them, and has to be reminded to give them affection and time. I feel like crap 85% of the time. I'm currently struggling with weight, snapping at kids, and crying a lot because I'm so frustrated - vie been like that since my first was born - my fairytale family was just that....a fairytale. My husband acts lime he hates his life. His crappy attitude and e energy he brings to our house gives me anxiety. I can only imagine how our girls are affected. He does have a kind heart under that exterior but I rarely see it. I wonder if my kids are better off with us being sans daddy. I can't pretend and stuff my feelings anymore. Ive gotten sick more than ever in the past year and I think its due to stress. When I do get sick or go through tough times, he gives me no sympathy. He says he loves me and the girls but I think actions speak louder than words. Oh, and he drinks - not a ton but like 4 beers a day and he smokes weed. So, even if I wanted to run off for a couple hours and leave kids with him, I'm afraid I can't trust him. My question: should I stay or go? Thank you and sorry for being so long winded!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 08-21-2011 - 12:44am

Look, you're in a huge mess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 08-21-2011 - 12:47am
Was he always like this? Sounds like he checked out of marriage and fatherhood a long time ago. Honestly it sounds like this marriage is giving you and the kids nothing but stress and heartache (since you feel like crap 85% of the time) I think it's time for at least a trial separation to see if you'd be a lot less stressed (and a lot happier) without him in yours and your kids lives.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Sun, 08-21-2011 - 1:45am

Should you stay or go is