Divorce or relocate?
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Divorce or relocate?
| Fri, 07-13-2007 - 3:21pm |
My husband and I have been togther for 6 years, we met while he was in the Navy based in California. He is originally from Ohio. Where we would live was never an issue. We bought a house in California and now have a family.Now my husband wants to move to Ohio near his family. Because I have refused to move all these years, he gave me an ultimatum, either move or he wants a divorce.I really dont't know if he is serious and will go through with a divorce, but this is something I feel he will never let go. I am very close to my family here and cannot see them so far away. My children adore my mother and we are all so involved with eachother. As far as his family, they see eachother only on holidays.But it is cheaper to live there and so much open spaces.I love my husband and we have a decent relastionship other than this. I dont want to lose him but seeing him so depressed living here is hard on the whole family. I don't know what to do. Should I give in and move or should I fight to stay and possible lose him?

Hey there mamabear.
I'd say you could at least talk about it. By this I mean does your husband have a plan, or is it merely a wish, or is he looking to wander on over to Ohio like a bunch of gypsies?
Relocating is a traumatizing level of stress for each and every person in a family. Therefore, relocation is not to be taken lightly.
Does he have a job waiting for him? Exactly, and I do mean exactly, what is the financial picture going to look like living in Ohio contrasted with CA. Where are you going to move to? Can you or he get work there? Can you actually afford it? (for example, in Columbus OH there are numerous suburbs in and around the city. It would take months if not a year to pick one that best suits you!).
Not to mention that schools in Ohio are shifting to start the new school year around the third week of August. So you would have a little under six weeks to move. That's just too short of an time period. Or would you subject your kids to a mid-year school change?
He needs to examine the reality of moving. Instead of moping, he needs to do something about it, as in a plan.
I live in Columbus OH, I grew up on Long Island. While I miss the ocean, Ohio is a far better place than LI. I've been to CA, in the LA area, and hated every minute -- not so much the place but the people.
By the same thinking, would you be able to live in Ohio? You might hate it. It can easily seem like its backwoods hilljack territory. For example, you are heading into an area where the latest trends in law is to advocate conceal-carry for hand guns. Lots of us folk here, myself included, thinks that its about time and that its one dandy idea!
As far as your parents -- while its nice for you, and convenient for the kiddies, its a little unfair to him, so I would not pursue that point to much.
As far as the "ultimatum" approach -- I'd wonder what else is going on. Why has he escalated to an ultimatum?