Divorced now he wants me back!?!?!?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2007
Divorced now he wants me back!?!?!?!
4
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 11:25am
Long story short, been with my DH for 15 yr, married for 6. after our first kid was born I lost intrested in the wife role...
well with the 5 yr of our marriage I had two kids Lost my Father and then lost my mother 2 yrs later...
now a year after my mothers death My husband left and had a affair and now we are divorced and I moved out into my own place... I"M really liking beable to take care of myself...
now onto the ?
My dh had a melt down the day of our divorce, for about a week he stoped working (vacation time) and drank all day cried all day Flipped out totaly..
so I went to his side and we worked through it...
that was jan22
now jumping to march we are spending most ever day together, he comes to my place and stays the night...
the affair stoped a week some time after our divorce...
what I would like to know is is he really wanting me or did his OW dump him... I have asked he said he lost everything when we got divorced and he can't see his life with out me and the kids all together...
well thats all well and good cept he sleept with OW and now i'm left with this big Hole in my heart and a million ? and hurt feelings and tons and tons of stuff... oh yea to add to the storie she works with him but he says he dont see her YEA RIGHT I have STUPIED on my head...
I guess i need to know from someone what todo.... I need to know that the flashes of them two together will get out of head, the gutt killing feeling that I was so betrayed will easy up a little..
hope this isnt to confussing.... thanks
Lost in a world full of maps
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 12:21pm

I wouldn't do a thing.

It sounds like ex-H has gone nuts. So he needs time to get mentally healthy again. And that might take years.

Then, since the marriage failed, what is differently now? Has either you or he changed in such a fundemental way that this relationship can now work? You lost interest in the wife role, will that happen again? He cheated, will that happen again?

Lastly, you feel he betrayed you. Can you ever get past that, and if so, how long would that take and what would he have to do? (And by past it, I mean that you are no longer angry/upset or whatever, you are not reminding him about it, and you can trust him again. And a reasonable answer here may be never.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 12:33pm

Hi onlyme2007,


If you want to give your relationship with him another try you are going to have to figure out if you can get over the pain of the affair. You may want to go to either individual counseling to help you work through the pain or couples counseling with him. Remember it is going to take time for you to get over the affair, and he should be accepting of this fact. Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 1:54pm

Hi onlyme2007 - you have been so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 4:01pm
Would you date a guy who has cheated on his wife and turns to alcohol during times of stress? The fact that he is your ex shouln't matter.