do i admit defeat?
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| Mon, 07-30-2007 - 4:32pm |
So here goes...
i wasnt sure if this was the right message board to go on to ask this question, but when i read the title it seemed like a good place to start.
i'm not exactly sure how to begin this, really, but... my bf and i live 1 1/2 hr away from his family, and i have been trying to get the families together and do a few things before the summer is up and school begins. this all plays into his having a daughter who is 5 now(i.e. the school thing), and really i have never actually met. Him and the mother do not get along from what ive been told, and he has really not had a relationship with his little girl. i would like for him to being as i see it as unfair. ive spoken to him about all of this, but he really has no answers. the situation is unfortunate, and thou we have excellent communication with one another, it still seems that we cant get through this.
just this past weekend, my bf's father went with his sister and his daughter to washington d.c. (they live in CT and we are in NJ) and the never told us. i feel a little hurt by this because it seems like i am trying in vain to get the families together to do something (and have a relationship with his daughter), but we are hardly ever invited to share anything like weekend trips, or small visits.
this coming weekend i wanted to go to a fair, or something with him, his sister (who adores her niece), and his little girl, and anyone else who would like to come. that was a bust to say the least.
i just dont know what to do anymore, and i feel defeated. i want to have a relationship with her, and for him to have one as well despite issues, and distance.
i dont want to give up, but i feel as if im being forced to.
thanks in advance to anyone who can help. i really appreciate it.

You are fighting a losing battle if you're trying to repair his family problems. That is not something you can do. You can't force him to have the relationship with his daughter that he doesn't. You're taking a lot of responsibility upon yourself and I guarantee that you won't come out ahead on this one. If you try to interfere with his family they will forever see you as "the bad guy" and that's not a reputation you want.
I think that if you really want to be with this guy, you're going to have to accept his family situation for what it is now. Perhaps in time it will change, but for the time being this is the baggage that he comes with.
How long hve you two been dating? I agree that the daughter shouldn't meet you unless things are very serious and the fact that she got to know a past girlfriend who is no longer around is upsetting and probably the reason that they don't want you two to meet.
On the other hand he should be making his own daughter a priority and if he isn't, what does that say about him?
hes an amazing person, a great man, and my best friend.
his family, well there are just something else.
'is absolutely way more to this than "how long have you been together",
Then why not answer the question?
How much time does he spend with his daughter?
Edited 7/30/2007 10:17 pm ET by ciao__gina
sooooo, bitch about it. but you didnt help. someone else did. so thanks anyway.
Welcome to the board Neeners07,
Please remove the bad langague from your post so it doesn't get reported and removed.
I am a little confused and I think we need more info. I assume the girl's mother has custody. Has he fought for partial custody? What is his reaction to you when you suggest that he see her?
Unfortunately you can not make him want to see her, get together with the family, etc. And if I were you I would think twice about a long term relationship with him if you want children.
Edited 7/31/2007 12:48 pm ET by sean_i_am