Do I cancel our trip?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Do I cancel our trip?
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 11:07am
I'll try to keep this short and to the point. Basically, I'm in love with my boyfriend of a year and he's aware of that. He commented on being "scared about where this is going", and has never responded back that he feels the same. I try to watch his behavior to let actions speak for words, and he's there for me when I'm sick, brings me flowers on occassion, but I'm starting to feel like I'm being put on the back burner more than usual. He definitely puts himself and his own interests first, and I'm beginning to wonder if the time he spends with me is more of a maintenance thing -- do something to keep the girlfriend happy so she'll still be there, but then go about your business doing whatever you like in between. He asks me to drive over to his place more often instead of coming over to mine -- little stuff, I guess, but he also had a flirty phone conversation right in front of me with another girl this past weekend. It made me want to turn so cold towards him because I have my heart on the line, and he's not being fair to me about it. He knows my feelings and he still maintains a ceratin amount of distance while panicking if I ever turn him down for anything. But it seems the more understanding and supportive I am of him, the more he tries to get away with what he can.

Here's the problem -- I have reservations for us for the weekend at a nearby resort. He cancelled a dr's appt. to be able to leave work early and go on our getaway weekend trip. It's my birthday present to him (his b-day is next week), and I'm stuck between wanting to save my money and cancel on him and feeling like I have to go through with it because if the tables were turned, it would really hurt me if he cancelled such plans on ME. What's the right thing to do in this situation? I feel I need to pull away, and the timing is so awful. One friend suggested that I "give him a taste of his own medicine" and not call him about the trip. I should wait for him to call ME and then tell him that I just have a lot going on right now and it's a really bad time to leave town. (My grandma died last week, and aside from giving me some flowers, he abandonded me most of the weekend to hang out with some friends and to work on some project for work.) I don't know if I'm overreacting or if I'm going to slit my own throat by cancelling his birthday gift on him, but I'm not feeling confident about our relationship. He needs to show me he wants me, and I'm feeling quite unceratain about it all. One of our mutual friends even commented that my bf "knows he has the power in the relationship". I don't want to be a jerk right back to him, but I also don't want to spend my hard earned money treating him to something he may not deserve.

This is a horrible space to be in.