Do I have the right to be upset?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2007
Do I have the right to be upset?
4
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 3:52pm
My BF and I are living together and everything was going fine until we moved back to our state (we lived in California for a while) and I found a text message in his old phone that I started using. His messages were: "I miss you" and "I want you" to a girl that I knew. Our story began in 2004 when we went in college. We saw each other again and he asked me for my number in January 2005. That whole year was terrible now that I see it clearly. We started talking and going out since that time. He told me that he came out of a long term relationship and that he was still hurt. I thought he was getting over it and we had great times. People would tell me that I should keep away from him and now I know why. I just found out that this month that he was sleeping around with the girl that I met in August 2005. The girl is divorced and has three children and is not looking for anything serious (according to him) and that relationship was just convenience. I went through his e-mails and found out he was also sleeping with another girl during the time. We were not intimate. In January 2006 he moved to California. The text message was from July 2006 but we were already talking about me moving with him to California. I asked him if he had sex in his apartment and he denied it to my face. The second girl writes about skipping class they had together to be intimate when his roommate was not there. He doesn't know that I know about the second girl. Don't get me wrong he has changed so much since I met him but it hurts because I gave everything even stopped talking one of best male friend because he felt uncomfortable. He would give me a hard time about me talking to my friend (who lives in Hawaii) while he was sleeping with two girls. I don't know what to do. Should I consider this cheating even though I never had the "girlfriend" title. Please help. Should I tell him I know about the second and that he lied to me? I just found out about this at the beginning of the month. He said it is his past but I was involved in that past already. Please help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 5:06pm

Welcome to the board snow_white_princess,


I am a little confused. Were the two of you exclusive during the time he was involved with these other women?


You do have a right to be upset that he lied to you about having sex in his apartment?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2007
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 5:19pm
I am confused as well. I say yes but he says no. I say yes because it was understood by anyone around us but maybe that was my mistake. He treated me differently, he respected me but i guess not enough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 5:34pm

Of coure he is going to say no. He is trying to stay out of trouble. I think you need to tell him that you know about the second girl.


Do you feel that you trust him at this point?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 12:43am

Even if it was in the past it's new information to you now.