Do I just give up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Do I just give up?
5
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 3:45pm
Hello! I am sure that you have heard this situation quite a few times, but I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We are currently on a break so that he can figure out why he is not comfortabale marrying me and if he can get there. He is essentially waiting for the "click" moment that he has heard guys have. While he says that he does want to marry me, that he just needs to get 100% positive about it and that he is optimistic that he will be able to go there, I can't get comfortable with that. I really want to marry this guy, but don't want to stay any longer if it is not going to happen. I feel that I have tried to be patient but I have hounded the guy about this for the past year. My question, should I leave, and potentially walk out on the best thing in my life or should I stay and try not to hound him about it?
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 4:06pm

3 years is a long, long time. If it hasn't "clicked" by now, if he doesn't know who you are and how he feels, then what in the world is he and you waiting for? It seems to me that he is simply stalling, and not ready for marriage. Of course you want to marry and go forward, that is natural. To me, it seems like a waste of time to stay in this place with him any longer. It's not about hounding him. You don't want to have to hound a person to marry you. You want to be with someone who loves you and is thrilled and honored to have you be his wife.

Go forward. He doesn't deserve you.

Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 7:25pm
How old are both of you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 10:03pm
I am 29 and he is 30. Old enough for three years to matter, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 8:55am
3 years is certainly long enough. Instead of dumping him outright, how about telling him that you want to start dating other people AS WELL AS him? If he gets upset, be very honest. Let him know that you love him and that you think he would make a wonderful husband. However, also let him know that one of your goals in life is to be a wife, and if he isn't convinced that you are the one, that you need to cast your net in a wider circle. No need at all to be ashamed that marriage is what you want. Say it openly and proudly.
If he really loves you, your pronouncement could make him *^#!!~ or get off the pot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 12:40am
Thanks for your reply, it is just so awful to have had a wonderful relationship with someone for three years, the whole time working towards commitment and then to just have it end? And I know that I will be able to find someone someday but how will they compare? I don't know how I am going to get over this.