Do I not like him all of a sudden?
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| Thu, 04-12-2007 - 3:13pm |
I've been with my boyfriend for only about 4 months. He's been very forward about pursuing a relationship with me. He's introduced me to all his friends, to his family and was very eager to meet my parents. Less than a month into the relationship he was asking me to go away with him and his friends for the weekends (they often go to this cabin one of them owns just outside of town). He wanted me to stay over at his place right away even though I was very adamant about taking things slow sexually, he said he just wanted to sleep next to me. Seems like he's really into me right? Nevertheless I didn't want to get too caught up in his enthusiasm and moved at my own pace. I didn't stay the night at his place, have sex with him, or introduce him to the people in my life until I felt comfortable doing so. He never pressured me at the time but he recently told me that it was really hard for him to wait until I was comfortable with those steps, he said it really tested his patience and he almost gave up because he was unhappy with my reluctance, not just for sex but for all aspects of the relationship.
Anyway, this is the weird thing. Despite his enthusiasm for a relationship, during the first couple months he made a couple references to "when we break up" or "when we're not together anymore." Those comments seemed strange, but didn't bother me too much because things were still new and I didn't want to think too much about the future, just enjoy the moment. I'm getting to a point in the relationship though where the crush is fading and I could now develop deeper feelings for him (which I definitely could because he has a lot of qualities that I value). Now those earlier comments bother me because what's the point of letting myself fall in love with him if it's just going to end painfully? Might as well just nip those feelings in the bud now.
I asked him about why he made comments like that and he said he's just being realistic. Most relationships end. He was with his last girlfriend for 4 1/2 years, thought they were going to get married, then she dumped him (this happened about 2 years ago and he says he's over it). So I can understand that he's probably just trying to protect himself from getting hurt - by making comments like that he reminds himself not to get too wrapped up in someone again. Especially since I'm younger than him and he expects me to want to date other people, travel, and live in other cities, etc. before I settle down, which I do; but I'm staying where I am for at least a few more years while I finish my undergraduate degree. He may also be trying to protect me from getting too wrapped up in him because I am young and less experienced.
Anyway, no matter how understandable those comments are, thinking about them has left me feeling really weird about things between us. It makes me doubt if I want to be involved with him anymore, what's the point? So now I'm finding faults in him, trying to talk myself out of liking him maybe? And once that seed of doubt is planted I wonder if I can ever go back. It doesn't help things that last night he asked me if I wanted to go for dinner/hang out, then he ended up watching a hockey game all night. And when he's enthralled in a hockey game I might as well not be there. I ended up going upstairs to do some work on the computer (I couldn't go home because I didn't have my car) so the night wasn't totally lost. He apologized after and said that he thought he had told me he wanted to watch hockey and that he had wanted me to watch the game with him and that he understood that I was upset because the evening wasn't what I expected. But things were just tense all night and left me feeling even weirder.
Anyway. Thanks for letting me vent. What should I do? Should I break up with him? Is it a lost cause? Or should I talk to him? Is this something that I can even talk to him about, this doubt that I'm having about my feelings for him and our relationship? It seems like maybe it's too touchy to breach with him, or too early in the relationship for a serious talk about "our future"?
Thanks for your input!

Welcome to the board lizzie_annie,
Maybe you are thinking about things too much and getting yourself confused and stressed out. If he hasn't made those comments recently than just blow them off. Also, talk to him about how you are feeling. If you are having sex with him, then you should be comfortable enough to talk to him about the relationship and how you are feeling.
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