Do I Stay With Him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Do I Stay With Him?
2
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 11:25pm
I just found out my fiancee spent the night at another woman's apartment (she's actually one of his co-workers) over a month ago (he lied to me about where he actually was that night, as it turns out). He claims he was very drunk and that all they did was kiss...and then he fell asleep. He says he realized when he woke up the next morning he'd made a horrible mistake. He never told me about this, but he did tell his best man and another best friend imediately afterwards and I'm just now finding out. Problem is, he's in South America right now so we can only discuss this over the phone for the time being (through the end of the week). He doesn't want to leave early because of important business meetings throughout the week and he's been profusely apologetic over the phone. We've had a very emotional evening and I've been very angry. I specifically asked him after the infamous night if he had been with any women, and he lied to me. He made up a different story not involving females at all. I just don't know that i can trust him. We've discussed the fact that he makes horrible, horrible decisions when he drinks too much, which he usually ends up doing when he's out at work functions or dinners. He says he'll do whatever he has to do to fix this. We were supposed to get married in September and I'm just so overwhelmed right now about what to do. I love him so much, but I'm so afraid I won't be able to trust him ever again. What do I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 3:58am
You need to put the wedding on hold and get professional help. His drinking is a BIG RED FLAG. It sounds to me like he is a binge drinker. That is a form of alcoholism.

That is not going to go away my dear. Take off your rose colored glasses. Yes it is wonderful to be in love and have someone want to marry you. But it is not wonderful to live with an alcoholic or be a codependent.

If I was you I would go to a counselor and present the details you have presented here. That person can help you decide if there is a real problem and then what to do about it. The only other course of action after that is to see if he is willing to admit the problem and work on it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 1:36pm

i agree with west. your fiance is an addict and HE needs help. if he can't admit that he has a problem, and if he cannot or will not deal with it - YOU need to rethink this relationship.