Do I stay or do I leave?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Do I stay or do I leave?
3
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 5:55am
I don't know what to do. I have been married to my husband for almost 4 years and thought things were going well. I had known my husband for 20 years before we married. This is a second marriage for both of us. He has a female friend that is visiting town and does so about twice a year for several weeks each visit. He has known her for about ten years and she was friends with him and his first wife. I have never had any reason not to trust my husband in the past and have had complete trust in both he and his friend. Today after coming home from the funeral of a friend of mine, I immediately knew that he had had this friend over and had slept with her. I confronted him about this and he admitted that this had taken place. In my house, and in my bed. My husband was very non emotional about the whole situation and says that it wasn't planned and had never happened before. He says that he wants us to stay together and make our marriage work and that he doesn't know why he did what he did. He has even agreed to replace the bed and bedding tomorrow. One thing that really bothers me is that he still wants this friend to come around my house. This feels to me like rubbing in what happend. I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice? I'm desperate!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 7:17am
He slept with this friend, in your house, in your bed. And he expects you to be okay with him remaining friends with this girl and not only that but have her come over? I do NOT think so!!! You deserve better then that and he should respect you better then that!!! But only you can allow someone else to treat you a certain way and if you allow it, they'll continue it!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 10:20am

i agree with pebbles. i don't get it --- does he think that he will replace the bed and that will erase the whole thing? that is ludicrous. and another thing - i doubt this was the first time he slep with her since you got married.


tell your husband that if he wants to stay together and make the marriage work - then you want to go to marital therapy. no excuses.


sorry for your pain

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 11:34am
Try posting on the Betrayed Spouse Support board, they will have excellent advice.

However, if he really wants to save the marriage, he's going to have to give up the friend now, as they have crossed the line and any marriage counselor will tell you that - get an appt asap.

Rebuilding will take time.

Reading material to consider:

Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David

Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain by Rona Subotnik, Gloria Harris

Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore

http://www.retrouvaille.org/home.htm

www.marriagebuilders.com


Carrie