Do I still luv him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Do I still luv him?
2
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:12pm
Bare with me people.

I have been with my husband since I was 16(together 14yrs, married for 7).

I have cheated on him in the past, which I have never spoken of. The infidelity took place 5 years ago.

After that, we changed some areas in our life...different house, different cars, different neighborhood...so, I guess I stayed busy.

Now, some feelings are returning again. I'm emotionally detached from him, and I can't seem to be physically attracted to him. Yet, I love him very much...perhaps because he has been the only one I have known.

I have told him that I have strong feelings toward a family. I don't want one; ever. I have always known I don't want children, and now I know for sure. I know he wants at least one child. He said he would rather have me, if it means giving up having a family. And, that perhaps two-three years from now I'll change my mind.(I know I won't). I want him to have a family of his own. I know he'll be a good dad.

I don't know if this is just an excuse to get out of a relationship, or if these symptoms I'm having are just pent up feelings for what I've been repressing for years.

Somedays I wish I were on my own, but I can't picture myself without his humor in my life. I think staying with him is only being selfish on my part. He wants to work it out, but nothing in me says I want to do the same. It hurts to hurt someone so bad, that you have loved for so long.

When we discuss this, he says I show no emotion...I feel bad for not crying in front of him..I'm usually such an emotional person....I don't know whats wrong....

Help me, please! I'm very unhappy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:39pm
I've never been married and couldn't imagine being with someone since the age of 14.

But i want you to know that i'm here to listen to you!

I just wonder why you are having these feelings? Do you think you missed out on something all this time having been with just the one person? You know what they say... the grass is always greener on the other side! You've never had to deal with the heartache of breaking up or wondering if the guy with call you back. I know it sounds silly but you've been with someone who has accepted you and loved you your whole life. As we grow we change - i don't want to tell you to throw away everything you have for the unknown...what if you are not happy then either?

My only suggestion is maybe going to talk with someone professionally. You've been with this man for 14 years it's a lot to give up unless you are positively sure.

Do you think that maybe there's another area in your life that you are not satisfied with and maybe you are taking it out on the marriage...they say you take it out on the ones you love??? I don't know!

Maybe you need a getaway with your girlfriends!

It really sounds like you need someone to talk to and help you figure out what you really want!

Good Luck and know we are here for you when you need us!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:43pm
I suggest marriage counseling. Try it alone first and let them know what you've told us. It's obvious there are problems with your marriage and I think that without this help you will end up cheating again and this time he just might find out. If he does find out then you will probably be living your life "without his humor" and friendship and anything else you may happen to cherish about this marriage. I don't think the problem starts with him but it sounds as though he is trying to help resolve them. You need to get the help now because it's possible that if he carries the burden of not being able to "fix" this much longer he's going to give up and things will dissolve on their own. Only you know if you still love him or not, it's up to you to figure out if you do and straighten up and get the help you need *if* you do...for both of your sakes.