Do I want a break or a break up?
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| Wed, 07-09-2008 - 5:33pm |
I have been dating a really nice guy for 7 months. He is 27 and I am 35. He is sweet and fun and caring, but is smothering me. He has been spending all of his time with me and has taken to spending his 'down time' at my house. He is in grad school and is always 'broke' so he never wants to do anything.
We used to do things, and he used to make more of an effort, but now he just hangs around - sits on the couch, watches TV, eats my food and makes a mess! I don't know if he was just trying to impress me in the beginning by being interesting and energetic and this is what he is really like? I told him that I feel like we're in a rut, but it didn't register. Which is strange, because we used to have very strong communication skills - we could talk through things as they came up. But, that has disappeared.
My friends that are my age (and same stage in life) always invite us to do things. I can't really afford to pay his way to go to dinner and trips, so I don't see my friends as much anymore and that REALLY bothers me. He does manage to find time and money to spend with his family that lives 4 hours away (that is an expensive drive to make 2x a month), so that sends a confusing signal, too.
I don't know if I need to do more things by myself and leave him on the couch, or if I just need to break up with him and let him grow up.

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Seems like you know what's going on more than you'd have yourself believe!
" I don't know if he was just trying to impress me in the beginning by being interesting and energetic and this is what he is really like?"
"I just need to break up with him and let him grow up."
He may be a nice guy but he's also a deadbeat leech.
There's no reason a guy in grad school can't pay for his own food.
Thank you for helping me clarify that.
My gut has been telling me that he's a deadbeat leech. I don't know why I just didn't go with that.
I need a partner, not an anchor.
Hi bleubelle07,
Since you've gotten helpful advice, I just wanted to welcome you to the board!
It sounds as though he's turned into more of a son than a boyfriend. He's putting little effort or money into the relationship and simply thinking of his own needs and wants. The real question is what in the world are you still doing with him? Why are you involved in this? Of course you should go on your own with your own friends. Of course you deserve a happy, full life, and one which also includes having a mature, responsible, equal loving partner at your side. You don't have to put up with this.
Best wishes,
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I agree - it is all about him and his wants and needs. Last night, I asked for my key back and tried to set boundaries, and he said, "but I like hanging out here."
Well, that made me see that I want someone who can be more of a partner and less of a son/pupil.
A big sign you should break up with a guy is when he doesn't want to hang out with your friends and he's the cause of YOU not hanging out with them.
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