Do I want a break or a break up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Do I want a break or a break up?
14
Wed, 07-09-2008 - 5:33pm

I have been dating a really nice guy for 7 months. He is 27 and I am 35. He is sweet and fun and caring, but is smothering me. He has been spending all of his time with me and has taken to spending his 'down time' at my house. He is in grad school and is always 'broke' so he never wants to do anything.


We used to do things, and he used to make more of an effort, but now he just hangs around - sits on the couch, watches TV, eats my food and makes a mess! I don't know if he was just trying to impress me in the beginning by being interesting and energetic and this is what he is really like? I told him that I feel like we're in a rut, but it didn't register. Which is strange, because we used to have very strong communication skills - we could talk through things as they came up. But, that has disappeared.


My friends that are my age (and same stage in life) always invite us to do things. I can't really afford to pay his way to go to dinner and trips, so I don't see my friends as much anymore and that REALLY bothers me. He does manage to find time and money to spend with his family that lives 4 hours away (that is an expensive drive to make 2x a month), so that sends a confusing signal, too.


I don't know if I need to do more things by myself and leave him on the couch, or if I just need to break up with him and let him grow up.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Fri, 07-11-2008 - 5:56pm
I don't mind doing things with my friends without him, but what's the point if all we can do together is "hang out"? I hate feeling materialistic, but I would like someone who is more financially able to do things. He's always broke.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 10:14am
i asked to meet him this weekend to break up to learn that his mother and sister were in town. i learned a lot about why he acts like a 'son.' his mother and sister came to visit and while they were here they cleaned his room and cooked for him while he sat around and watched TV. Yuck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Sat, 07-19-2008 - 9:27pm
We broke up today and while we were breaking up, I felt like it was the right thing to do and left feeling fine, but now I am sad. Very sad, and I was not expecting this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 07-19-2008 - 11:00pm

What you feel is normal bleubelle07.

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