do not understand my behavior
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do not understand my behavior
| Fri, 07-20-2007 - 8:45am |
Hi everyone,
I am really hoping to get some insight into my situation.
| Fri, 07-20-2007 - 8:45am |
Hi everyone,
I am really hoping to get some insight into my situation.
Welcome to the board anonymous12b,
If you want what you can't have (him) when he's not there and you miss him, and you are pushing him away, I'd highly recommend the counseling route. You need to get to the bottom of what you feel and why.
Maybe all the moves made you feel like you aren't in control of your life and you are now making him pay for it? Or maybe you really don't want to be married?
In 14+ months, you have been through what most people go through in 5-8 years - that includes the engagement, wedding planning, the wedding, relocation (twice!!), AND a career change!!
No wonder you're unravelling! I'd be in a padded cell by now, rocking myself and chewing on the straps of my straight jacket! It's time for you to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally (and I think you know this...). I think you should consider seeing a therapist again.
Oh girl, you're simply still reeling from several of life's BIGGEST stresses. I wouldn't say you don't want to be married to him or that you're incapable of beign married, you're simply more stressed than you probably even realize. Many people would be sitting in the corner, babbling incoherently so you're actually doing ok ;)
You miss him like crazy when he's not around because, well, you love him and you miss him. No surprise there. When you're with him you don't necessarily miss him or you feel a little smothered, maybe because you're probably surrounded by or are somehow talking about oh yeah, the wedding, the move, the house purchase, the career change, so being around him is stressful. But it's not because of him, it's because of the other stuff I just mentioned. Go on a couple of dates with him, real ones, where you don't talk about any of that stuff and keep that up. My parents still have a weekly date, even if it's just for a walk or for coffe, but they used to go out dancing or whatnot and forget they had four bratty kids, a mortgage and whatever else at home ;) They've been married 41+ years and they're happy.
I'd give myself a good 3-6 months to just let things settle into some kind of routine, let the previous **major three stresses of life** settle out and see how you feel then. If you were to add a baby in there you will have covered I think all of life's major stresses, how about that? Go easy on yourself, you sound like someone who probably pushes themself a little hard or you expect a whole lot out of yourself, am I correct?
In the meantime, I really wouldn't keep worrying about this as much as you have been.
Good luck,