Do we stay together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Do we stay together?
3
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 9:24am
I really have fallen in love with this guy. The problem is is that he keeps leaving me for his ex girlfriend. His affair usually lasts 1-2 days then he comes back home and we work things out. Recently, I found out I was pregnant by him. We had sat down and decided we were going to work through our problems and honestly try to make our relationship work. I still have a wall up and I am having a hard time trusting that he wont leave again. Everytime he talks to his friends or leaves the house by himself I wonder about a potential rendevous with his ex. I have tried really hard not to accuse him, but I did have one night where it led into an argument. Since that night, the only time he ever says anything to me is when he wants to have sex or he needs something. Im 22 years old, pregnant, and feeling alone. What should I do?!?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 1:03pm

Hi deadlysinner101 and welcome to the board,


I don't know how to say this, but, well, isn't cheating a dealbreaker for you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 4:12am
He doesn't sound like a great prospect, but that's almost beside the point. You have a baby to consider and that's what you need to be talking about. He will need to provide financially for the child and let's hope he wants to have a role in his child's life. This requires you sitting down and talking - as adults - about the future. Not about who loves who, or who can be trusted and who can't, but about how you two are going to jointly raise this child. If you redirect your thinking and concerns to your baby, you won't get so emotionally wrapped up in your boyfriend and you may end up actually having some revealing conversations.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 9:58am

This is a difficult and sad situation. If he withdraws when you wish to discuss this issue of his constantly seeing his ex, then you have a real problem with him. In order for a relationship to work out, it requires two individuals to be willing to talk, share and be honest with one another, and also to listen to the feelings of the other. It sounds as though the two of you need the assistance of a well trained therapist or couples counsellor. You both need to sit down together with a professional and have the opportunity to communicate openly and honestly and arrive at a healthy conclusion. Bring this up to him in a loving, (non-accusing) manner. Tell him that you are both expecting a child and it would be helpful to all of you, if you two could try to work out your differences with someone who can really help. Whatever you decide to do as a couple in the long run, because of the child, you will always be connected, and it's important to establish some healthy basis for working through your situation. If he will not do this, you go yourself and get a fine therapist who can guide, support and help you in receiving what you need at this important time of your life.

All good wishes.