do we still have a chance

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
do we still have a chance
5
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 4:22am

Ive have been dating a girl for 2 yrs iI recently had to go away for 6 months.We talked regularly and she seemed still committed up until about a week after i got home.Anyway after i returned she has been very cold and distant we still see each about 1 time a week talk more and we have sex only w/each other butshe says we`re not together and she doesnt want a boyfriend. But she has said and done this before not to this extent but done it and decided 2 times the 1.5 yrs that she did love me and wanted me to live w/her ect. I see glimpses of care and love from her but after she lets out that side of her emotions she keeps me away longer.I love her and want to be w/her for the rest of my life.I know she cares for me but I need help deciding when to give up or will our love perservere?She tells me she plans on seeing me more and when we make love its beyond what used to our normal which was absolutely the greatest either of us had ever had before.And she says its not just the physical feelings but a massive wave of emotional feelings also she says its not just sex or feelings its more somehow. And she says we will always be more than just a booty call to eachother. So can you help me out here and give me a couple clues as to how long should i put up with not being around to much speratic sexual encounters and really nothing solidy positive between us.She gives me hope at the same time she smashes al my hopes. example were not together because we made love not saying we couldnt be a couple again . then a few days later she says theres nothing left between us and then she has me come over and we flirt or have sex spend the night together.She really has mee confused and twisting in an emotional noose. Thank sincerly in love unconditionly with the girl.

oh by the way im 37 and she`s 41 so were not kids and we have some expierience under our belts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 7:51am

If the tables were turned, she were the guy and you were the woman, we'd say that you were being used as a booty call for someone who didn't know what they wanted and that your best option would be to leave the "relationship" and find someone with more promise.

After two years she should know whether or not she wants to end up with you, and all signs point to "no". Sure she enjoys having sex with you and loves your company, but this is not the girl for you. "I don't want a boyfriend" is a phrase that means "I don't want you to be my boyfriend". It means you're not the right person for her and although she likes you, she doesn't see you in her future.

Sometimes the best way to see how strong a relationship can be is to leave it. She may come back to you and have a change of heart, but probably not. If you stick with her and continue living in her confusion about what title she wants to give you in her life, she'll continue to give you mixed signals and you simply won't get anywhere. Time to take a real action and see where you stand. I don't think the outlook is good for you two but I wish you luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 12:11pm

Welcome to the board lasvegas80z28,


I agree with eggbertshootsfire.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 12:45pm

Welcome to the board lasvegas80z28,


She is playing games with you. Since you want a serious relationship with her, sit down and tell her so. If she can't agree than end all contact with her. If you don't, this cycle is just going to continue.


Sorry you have to go through this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 12:51am
Well I understand that with what i wrote it doesnt look like we were ever in a committed relationship but we were in a committed one until i had to leave town for 6 months.We were together for 1.5 yrs committed but since I returned she says things are different. I dont know what to think about her or us as she says we could be a couple again or I dont know what the future holds but the past should stay the past and lets see what the future holds but then again she says theres nothing left between us. So I dont know she seems to flip flop on me but I want to thank you for your opinions and thoughts!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 1:53pm

'she says theres nothing left between us'


Then stop having sex with her and walk away