Do you think he will cheat on me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2012
Do you think he will cheat on me?
11
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 8:11am
I have been dating my SO for a little less than a year and we now live together. We are incredibly happy. I have been cheated on in the past so it is a fear I deal with constantly in relationships. I so much want this relationship to work. So what is the problem? I met my boyfriend on Match and within weeks we became exclusive and both took our profiles down. He does however still keep his OKCupid profile up, which he told me about. He changed his status to "seeing someone" and said on his profile he is seeing a "fantastic girl" and is 'open to friendships." So he is not trying to hide the fact that he uses it, but really, do men need to be online to find female friends? It just bothers me. He is always affectionate and loving so I don't sense he is on the prowl...yet. Another thing that bothered me is that I looked through his many questions he answered (Okcupid has lots of fun quizzes and answers) and it asked 'Would you ever be with someone just for booty calls and sex with no intention of a relationship" and he answered "yes" and in the note field put "and still do." Obviously this was before I met him. He says he has never been a player type and was married for 12 years (recently divorced). But now I don't know. I am worrying about nothing? I just don't want to get hurt. Other than these two factors I have no other reason to think he will cheat on me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 1:04pm
I agree that a man/woman in a commited relationship should not be looking to make NEW opposite sex friends and visa versa. Now if he wanted to make friends with other couples to hang out with, that to me would be more acceptable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 12:57pm
Yep. See if what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 12:28pm

You know, I'm on match and I found this guy's profile that I thought was just great from reading it and I was all set to contact him, then at the end he said that he had found a woman on that site, he was in a relationship w/ her and he was still open to having friends--it didn't sound to me like he wanted to cheat but from the perspective of a woman who is looking for a boyfried, not just a friend, I thought it was so odd--why would I try to start a friendship w/ a guy i don't know who's got a GF?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 11:38am
Layla- I agree with Ollie and peace. I found it weird that he still has his profile up. I think that certain boundaries need to be put in place when in a committed relationship with opposite sex. Further I think you should let him know that it makes you uncomfortable. If he cares about you and wants you to feel safe and secure he will bring his profile down. If he doesn't, then you have your answer.

Just because you have been cheated on in the past doesn't mean that you have made bad choices in a partner. You had no control of cheating partners choice. Just because you have been cheated on doesn't mean you have low self esteem and are on a destructive cycle of bad relationships.

Goodluck. I hope it turns out well for you. Take care
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 11:25am
My understanding is that OKCupid is not just a dating site, it's also a general social networking site that features a lot of fun quizzes. He may want to keep his profile to keep all the quizzes he's taken. So I have to disagree with some of the other responses - he's made it's VERY clear to the world that he is in a committed relationship with you and he's made it very clear to you that he's not hiding anything from you. I see no indication that he's likely to cheat. The fact that he's had casual sex in the past is also no indication of a cheater.

But if it really makes you that uncomfortable, why don't you just ask him why he's kept his OKCupid profile? Why not just tell him that you're not 100% comfortable with him still having it? Maybe he just doesn't realize it bothers you and will gladly take it down once you mention something. On the other hand, if he suddenly gets very defensive, then you might be right to be cautious and question this. Either way, you should talk to him about it - if you can't talk to each other about things which bother you, you'll never have a healthy, successful relationship anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2012
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 11:20am
As far as i know there was no cheating involved, they appeared to have an amicable, drama free split. He was the one that wanted to have an exclusive relationship from the get go. In fact, he always wants to be with me, I am the one asking for some personal space. He says I am the love of his life and he doesn't go a day without telling me he loves me. I will just keep my eyes open...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2012
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 11:16am

Funny enough, another question he answered was "do you think it's ok to have a profile on OKCupid if you are in a committed relationship". He answered "yes" with the explanation "it is possible to find friends on this site, and if you trust eachother, there should not be a problem." So I have my answer, and I think he completed that before we met. So I need to give him the benefit of the doubt, he only logs into it once and a while. In fact, I'm going to create a profile looking for friends and see just how comfortable he is knowing men are contacting me! I know for a fact that is going to bother him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 11:15am
Yep.You said it best Ollie. It sounds like he is keeping his options open just in case this relationship don't work out. I'd have to question how commited he really is if it were me. I'm sure he would not want her talking to other men on a dating site.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 10:56am

I agree with peaceyma.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 02-24-2012 - 10:41am
If you 2 are in a commited relationship and living together, then why does he still have his profile on a dating site? Why would he drop Match and not the OK Cupid.? Those are the questions I'd ask him if I were you. In my opinion a man in a commited relationship should not still have a profile on a dating site.

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