Does he love Porn More than me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Does he love Porn More than me
2
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 5:37am
I am so upset my boyfriend has told me today he is leaving me because he feels that because he likes to watch porn then he is not atracted to me!

I will tell you a bit about us at the moment I am 27 and he is 23 I moved country to be with him and we have had a great realtionship we laugh and hang out and normally have heaps of fun we hardly every argue. we have been together for a little over a year and I have been here for about 11 months. his father is very sick he has cancer and doesnt look like he will last much longer (could this have something to do with it?) and he needs to be ther for his family. I love his family I want to be there but know i cant right now. I am encraging him to be wiht his family and thnk about us latter.

I love him very much so his porn habit never bothered me. He likes to look at porn on the computer and likes to watch it about 7/10 times when we have sex he (well we) watch porn while we have sex.

he says other than he is thinking that he is not atracted to me but he thinks heloves me??

I am so confused and don't know what to do I have no family and very little freinds here he is away so i am very lonley and very sad.......


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 11:40am
Hi oz,

Looking at porn on his own is one thing, looking at porn every time you make love is just plain wrong. He's in fantasy land and you need to pull him back into reality. I think most men that have internet access have looked at porn & most couples have had sex while watching porn, at least once or twice and typically just for the man. Doing this on a regular basis does not make sense and is disrespectful and degrading your relationship.

How would you rate you your love making sessions without porn? Is it quick? Does he take his time with you and totally satisfy you? Does foreplay last more than five minutes? Do you every get a just you pleasure? Does he give you oil massages and take his time? I'm just trying to understand were his head is.

Brent

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 8:11pm
Your bf needs to understand that porn isn't real. Generally, even the people on the videos don't even look that good in real life. Also, sex is about a lot more than just physical excitement. It's about an emotional and even spiritual connection. It sounds like he just doesn't get it.

I agree with the other poster that you need to set limits on him. He needs to be pulled away from such shallow, empty thinking. Maybe when he's drawn that direction, you could try to re-direct his thoughts to better subjects. He may have an addiction.

It sounds like you also feel isolated, since you moved to this country, etc. Are there any groups you could find for support? It seems to me that part of the reason he demeans and devalues you is because he can get away with it. It doesn't sound like there's anyone around to contradict what he says. So in a sense it's your word against his. I think you need to surround yourself with good, supportive people, and forget this guy, if necessary. Best wishes.