Does he need space?
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 08-10-2004 - 4:53pm |
Right now I¡¦m going through a phase in my nearly 2 year relationship with my boyfriend and it¡¦s really been difficult. Something has felt a little off to me in the last month¡Klike he is distracted or something. We live near each other, but only see each other about once during the week and usually Friday and Sat nights. We also work together, but he works in a different building so I don¡¦t see him at work. We usually chat via email or IM only a couple of times a day, and it¡¦s usually very brief. So basically, we give each other a lot of space. But usually when we do plan stuff, it¡¦s usually me taking the initiative to do it. And lately, the things I have planned for us, he had been kind of grumpy about.
We recently had a kind of conversation (well, I did), where I expressed to him that I really need him to tell me what some of his wants and needs are out of life. I said that if he doesn¡¦t see a future with us, then he needs to be honest about things with me so I can move on with my life. (I¡¦m 32, he is 29). I didn¡¦t say I wanted a marriage proposal, but just that we are moving towards the same goals in life and that I need to know what some of his goals are, like, does he ever want to buy a home, does he want to stay in the area long, etc. He had tears in his eyes and said that he doesn¡¦t want to lose me and that we are good together. I agreed and said that too, but it¡¦s just that I need to know what he wants out of life in general, and that he should think about those things. It was a good conversation and everything returned to normal.
But lately, like I said, it just feels like something is off. I¡¦ve always been the planner, so maybe, coupled with the fact that he can¡¦t express what he wants out of life, that I¡¦m being paranoid at his lack of asking me to do things. Like I¡¦m reading into it too much. I want to know I¡¦m wanted, so I¡¦ve stopped initiating first contact and I¡¦ve stopped asking him to do things, letting him take the lead. It��¦s been difficult. I¡¦ve very impatient! ƒº He has dropped me a few emails and IM¡¦s, but still hasn¡¦t asked me to do anything. I get paranoid he never will, or that I¡¦ll finally break down and start asking him to do things again.
Do you think he just needs some space from me asking him to do things? Should I stay on the course of letting him take the lead instead of the other way around, or do you think that might be confusing to him and I should just keep taking the lead because that is what he is used to? I just don¡¦t want to have him feel like stuff I plan is an obligation and he only does it out of guilt.
It kills me to sit around here at work, hoping he asks ME if he can come over tonight to watch TV instead of the other way around.
Has anyone had this problem in their relationship? Do you think that me giving him some space will make him want me and appreciate me more?
| Tue, 08-10-2004 - 6:15pm |
| Tue, 08-10-2004 - 6:25pm |
| Tue, 08-10-2004 - 6:34pm |
