does he want to get back together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
does he want to get back together?
4
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 10:38pm
He broke up with me about a month ago. I think he got angry, as we were had a fight. He said 'his heart was not there for me', and he would want to stay friens as he liked me, but he would not want to 'sucumb to his libido' as he was attracted to me. I find this all very confusing.

Anyhow, I've been avoiding any contact with him. Last week he droped an envelope with photographs to my mailbox, I did not acknowledge that. Then I met him accidentally, and was trying to be friendly, casual, neutral and brief, without bringing up any relationship topics. He seemed very pleased. Now, today I got an email, very casual asking how I'm doing. I wonder if he's trying to get back together or is it his 'just friends' thing. I'm not sure if I should reply and what should my actions be?? I believe in no communication after the breakup, and am not ready for a friendship yet. But what if he wants to reconcile?

Another thing is, his birthday is next week, and I'm agonizing whether I should send him a card? What should my course of action be if I want to get back together with the guy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 8:51am

He was being freindley. Unfortunatley, it sounds like the only thing he's interested in being freinds. Let him have his space. You never said how long you dated, but if his "heart isnt there for you"...then what matters? You want him to be with you because he wants to, not because he feels pity.


As for his B_day, I would send him an e-card. Nothing sappy, and I wouldnt mention the relationship, or lack thereof, either. Just a happy birthday and leave it at that...


Best wishes,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 12:24pm
Friends give cards and drop off photos and are friendly when they run into each other. None of these things necesarily indicate that he wants to be romantic. If you are not ready for a friendship then reply to his email and tell him this. Don't send a card if you are not ready for a friendship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 8:53pm
We dated over a year, and he appeared to be very serious, talking about the future, etc..

That's why I don't quiet get his line 'my heart is not there for you'. Does it mean he was using me all that time??? or could one change so suddenly? or did he say that out of anger?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 3:38pm
Being friends, feeling an attraction could be the start of a relationship, but once there is friction, it could lead to whole other group of feelings that have to be sorted out. Maybe he said his heart wasn't there meaning that the relationship seemed more work than he was willing to put in. Does it mean he used you, no. It means he evaluated the relationship and came to a different conclusion than you did.

Bottom line: YOU are NOT less than because of his actions, choices, decisions or behavior, words or anything else.


Carrie