Does he want more? Male Advice Needed!
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Does he want more? Male Advice Needed!
| Wed, 07-14-2004 - 3:54pm |
I am 24 and very mature for my age having grown up around older siblings and family friends. As a result, I have always been attracted to men several years older then myself. I met a guy just about a year ago through mutual friends who just turned 30.
Notice I don't call him my boyfriend b/c he isn't. We became friends and about six months ago, after months of flirting, we made out and eventually had sex. It was amazing and happened several more times before we had the dreaded "talk". I initiated it b/c I was beginning to form an emotional attachment to him and wanted to know whether I should be. I asked him what he really wanted from me, and what he would/could offer me in return. He made it very clear that he "had to cut himself off emotionally" when we slept together b/c he couldn't get involved at that point in time b/c he was busy w/work and buying a new home. He wasnted to continue to be "friends w/benefits". I agreed as long as we were TOTALLY honest with each other about any other prospects in our lives and did not sleep around with other people. I do trust him to be honest about this, as he has never been dishonest to me in the past and he is a very upfront person.
At first it was more like "benefits" only. Then, while I was away on vacation with my girlfriends for a week, he moved into his new house and everything changed. Since then, he has been calling me every few days and asking me to come over and hang out. We have actually hung out all night on occasion and not done anything sexual. He asked me to help him furnish his home and help him decorate. He intorduced me to one of his good male friends a few weeks ago. He returns phonecalls within 24 hours and even calls me to tell me what he is doing with his buddies on the weekends.
My question has two parts:
Does the change in his actions in the past month mean he sees me as something more than just a friend w/benefits? Has he decided that now that he has settled into his house and his work is more stable, he can get a little more involved with me? Or am I reading too much into this change?
How best should I approach this topic with him? I am content with the way things have been and although I would like to be more than friends w/benefits sometime in the future, I am not pushing for it at this time unless he's ready. I don't want him to feel like I am pressuring him for more, I simply would like to know from him whether his feelings have changed/deepened towards me.
Any info/advice would me great! Thanks.

Pianoguy might be mistaken here...but I sense this man enjoys the comfort of having a woman willing to be a C.W.N. (companion when necessary). If you enjoy playing this part, stay the course...but I have a hunch that the "dreaded talk" will probably reoccur after this pattern continues a little longer?
So...can you handle the possibility of being rejected a 2nd time...and walk away?
Or do you think the man is realizing that not only are you a great bed partner, but a terrific interior decorator! (Personally...I could use your latter skills today...my office is definitely in need of a woman's touch!).
Pianoguy
He knows that I have a lot to offer, not just interior decorating, to any man. That much he has said before. I think he is at that scary point when a man knows he SHOULD be looking to settle down (not necessarily marriage but at least a real relationship) but hasn't reached the point where he WANTS to settle down yet and make that committment to one person.
We had agreed that we would continue to see each other like this until we were both ready for more. I made it clear to him that if I met someone I wanted to see before he was ready, I would tell him. That hasn't happened yet, but it could. If it does, I wouldn't hesitate to tell him to hit the road b/c I am not going to wait around for him to grow up.
From his general demeanor when we are together, I think things have changed in his mind but I wouldn't presume ot know why. He calls me to tell me what he's doing on the weekend, like he's reporting in to me. I don't mind it, but I find it funny. I almost feel like he wants me to come but he can't say it b/c it would me he needed me.
I think I'm going to wait a few more weeks and see if this good behavior continues. If it does I am going to mention how much I've enjoyed his company the last few weeks. Hopefully that will be the start of a dialogue between us. If things have not changed, I will simply need to re-evaluate where I stand and what I am and am not willing to do/be to him. I know I make it sound easy, and I would probably have a hard time walking away, but if there is no future between us, then it is the only thing I can do. Thank sfor the advice, I'll let you know what happens.