Does my bf have to know about past flings, that I'm still friends with?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2012
Does my bf have to know about past flings, that I'm still friends with?
9
Mon, 12-10-2012 - 11:22pm

Me and my bf have a great relationship. We are best friends, lovers and we share almost everything with each other. We have been exclusively dating for about 9 months now.

I have a lot of guy friends, and he's never been jealous of them (I moved and don't live in the same city as my friends anymore, so there hasn't been much cause for jealousy anyway). Among my friends, there are a couple of guys that I've hooked up with, that I still chat with ("chat" meaning ocassional chatting to keep in touch). I only see these guys as friends and nothing more. There have been no bars between me and my bf, and we talk about everything, so it almost seems like it is wrong to *not mention* the fact that I hooked up with these friends. But at the same time, it would feel weird to bring it up when it hasn't come up in coversation (and hook up stories don't really come up in conversation).

What is your opinion? Should I bring it up in conversation? Should I avoid the topic? Am I over thinking???

I almost feel guilty that my bf doesn't know this about these friends, just because I would want to know if my bf chats with people who he's hooked up with even though he's just friends with them. Please be nice even if you might think this is a stupid question or the answer is obvious. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2012

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Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012

No. There is no need to say anything to him about it.  The only thing you need to disclose to a current boyfriend about your past is any communicable diseases you've got. That's it. Who you slept with is your business and yours alone.  That was your life before you met him and he has nothing to do with it.  Same goes for you. It's none of your business what he did with whom before he met you unless he's got a communicable disease.

Everyone is entitled to their privacy.  If you're not not trying to get back in the sack with them, then leave the past in the past.  If you are trying to relive the sordid moments of that past liason, then that's a whole 'nother issue altogether and you shouldn't be trying to be in a new relationship if you can't let a past sexual one go.  Big difference there in what you're talking about.

You need to examine the whole "clear your conscience" thing--really.  What you want and expect is really unreasonable and will end up stocking an arsenal I'm sure you don't want to have for either him or yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
So just keep your yapper shut then : - )
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2012

I guess it is true that he would have asked me if he wanted to know. He knows I've been with other guys, but didn't really seem interested in knowing who/what/when... I don't want to turn a non-jealous man jealous... 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2012

I guess it is true that he would have asked me if he wanted to know. He knows I've been with other guys, but didn't really seem interested in knowing who/what/when... I don't want to turn a non-jealous man jealous... 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sorry but if he wanted to know about her past relationships I think he would have already asked. Why take a chance at rocking the boat if he doesn't care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2012

I think you answered yourself in your last paragraph. YOU WOULD want to know if the shoe was on the other foot. Would you feel like he was with holding something important if you discovered he was doing this to you?

It is true that you have done nothing wrong. But I think instinctively you know that he should know the nature of your past relationships with these guys. My wife kept many such secrets from me for years.....just let me say....honesty and openness would have been a much healthier path for us.

I think you know what YOu would want...... please give him the same.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005

I would not tell him. You have not, nor are you currently doing anything wrong. Things are completely platonic between you and these guys and whatever happened between you is long in the past, long before you were with your current boyfriend. You are under no obligation to tell him about every little thing that happened before you met him. Furthermore, I think bringing it up might raise questions for him - he may wonder if you're telling him because you DO still have interest in these guys. Because why would you tell him about something that is a non-issue? Let sleeping dogs lie, I say.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

I see no reason to bring this up or tell him anything unless he specifically asks. If he wanted to know he probably would have asked you by now.