DOES THE PAST MATTER???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
DOES THE PAST MATTER???
15
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 9:57pm
I have having several problems in my marrage. My husband uses my past against me. I used to be an escort. Everyday, almost every hour he calls me "bitch" "whore" "slut" etc. He rarely calls me by my first name. What's worst he refuses to have sex with me. I feel so neglected. We've only been married 4 months and I want an annulment. What should I do????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 10:25pm
Did he know about your past before you got married? How did he treat you previously? If he treated you like this prior to marriage then it was likely a poor choice to marry this man. Are you truely serious and accurate in that he calls you these awful names 10 to 20 times a day?

Some people can accept other people's past without recriminations. Obviously this man can't and there is no need to suffer abuse from him. Get out now before his internal rage turns into something more serious. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 10:30pm
i totally agree if he married you knowing you were an escort. he should love you for who you are and accept the past. but that's not love what he calls you 10 times a day. that's insecurity and abuse!! more on sister!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 10:39pm
Get an annulment...he's not holding the past against you, he's abusing you, period the end.

He knew what you were when you married, right? Now, if you didn't tell him that until after "I do" - I'm surprised he'd not wnating an annulment.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 6:14am
Dear god get an annulment if thats what you want.

You sound like you already know what you want why wait?

Doesn't sound like theres much to salvage assuming you have spoken to him about this and explained to him how you feel?

I can sort of relate. I was never an escort..but most recently my beau *found out* about a *sort of* one-night stand I had a year ago before I ever met him!! And I was 38 years old and SINGLE!! Sheesh...Took us 5 days to get over that one mind you that was MY fault. I tried to deny it. How silly...eventually I admitted it. At that point, the one nighter was no longer the issue but rather the fact that I lied. Guilty...however, I have made it clear to him that if ever he uses that against me, in any way...I won't tolerate it. He hasn't yet...

Good luck!

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 11:16am

Get an annullment as fast as you can. Get out of there. This is not a marriage, it is an extremely damaging, abusive relationship. Your husband is sick and very destructive. Do not take in his negativity and do not take it to be the truth about who you are. Some men marry or become involved with women in order to have someone to hate and abuse. I would also connect with a support group for abused women. There is a great deal of understanding you can gain, comfort, protection and also guidance. There also may be legal issues you need to be informed of here, especially if he is not willing to let you go. Go get yourself all the help you can right now in getting away from him.


Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 3:09am
Why in the world did you marry this abusive jerk? YES, I think you should leave ASAP, and see if you can get an annulment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 11:07am
YES YES YES!!!!!!!!! This abuse will VERY likely progress to physical abuse as well. PLEASE get OUT!!! R~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:14pm
No, the past doesn't matter if he knew about it. you are in an abusive marriage. Get the annulment.

Sarah
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 5:05pm
Yes, I am very accurate when I say he tells me these names. He rarely addresses me by my name. Yes, he did know about my past. He treated me good. Then when we got married he became a different person. He wanted to take my car. And just take everything I own. He said it shouldn't matter because I "sold my ass" for it not "work. Now I rather be alone.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 5:12pm
Thank you for all the replies. I always felt marrage was suppose to last a lifetime. I always thought husbands and wives were suppose to be understanding and forgiving. But, now I realize that's not the case.

I want to go back to my former occupation. Not once did I have a man disrespect me. I hurts to know that my own husband would.

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