Does She Understand??
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Does She Understand??
| Wed, 01-28-2004 - 4:28pm |
I recently have proposed to my fiance. Before I proposed I'd give her a lot of gifts and take her to see her favorite sports team. I purchased a very expensive engagement ring and this has deflated my spendable income. So, I now have ring payments along with my other bills. We also have to start saving for the wedding which she wants in July 2004. I've told her I would have to get another part time job to save for the wedding. She isn't able to get another job because she has a child.
But, yesterday, she told me that she was sad because things have changed. She said I don't ask her out anymore. I brought her a rose last night, she made the comment, "before we were engaged it use to be boquets, now its just a single rose" she said she didn't mean anything by that. But, I'm starting to think, Am I going to have to work two jobs forever just to keep her happy? Will I be in a pile of debt? Why can't she understand that we need to budget for the wedding. We have gone out also. I've asked her out and either she was busy, or she wound up changing the date I initially had planned. I don't know if she's just in a mood or what. Any insight would be helpful.
But, yesterday, she told me that she was sad because things have changed. She said I don't ask her out anymore. I brought her a rose last night, she made the comment, "before we were engaged it use to be boquets, now its just a single rose" she said she didn't mean anything by that. But, I'm starting to think, Am I going to have to work two jobs forever just to keep her happy? Will I be in a pile of debt? Why can't she understand that we need to budget for the wedding. We have gone out also. I've asked her out and either she was busy, or she wound up changing the date I initially had planned. I don't know if she's just in a mood or what. Any insight would be helpful.

There are also ways to be romantic without being expensive, ask for her input as well on things she would like to participate in - picnic in the park, walking on a beach (of course depending on where you live), a single flower is very romantic and since she brought it up, I think you need to address the issue. She may just want more and more and if so you need to know how materialist she is.
Carrie
I think that in buying her expensive gifts and an expensive ring, you may have misled her with regard to your financial situation. I think a lot of guys make this mistake. They spend more that they ordinarily would to woo the woman.
The important thing is that you guys sit down together and make sure you both know what your incomes are, what kind of lifestyle you can afford, and so on. That way there are no surprises or unrealistic expectations.
You shouldn't have to work 2 jobs forever or go into debt to make your wife happy. You should both be able to find happiness living within your means. The important thing is that you both have a realistic picture of what that is from the beginning.
I just wanna ad that I only wish my man would go to the efforts to put a ring on my finger. I'd be so elated and I'd never complain about what he can't do. And I'm already in the process of taking on a second job so I feel I can invest something in our future -- and I have 3 kids that aren't his. But instead he throws thousands into his Harley and keeps putting off the proposal even though he talks like he wants it. I guess when it happens I'll appreciate it and I'm not sure why your fiance isn't appreciating it. Perhaps she simply doesn't understand what it has taken for you to do this. Heck, if she doesn't get it after you guys talk finances, tell her you had heard of someone who's boyfriend would rather spend his extra money on his bike and what she wouldn't give just to have a simple engagement ring from him!!! Perhaps then she could have an idea of what it takes and how lucky she is to have a man who makes those sacrafices to be with her!!!! Good luck to you!
Jennifer
"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi
I agree wholeheartedly!
Case in point, we want to buy a home. We also had credit card debt. We didn't want to have consumer debt, but kind of figured that was part of life in the 21s century. Everybody's got it, right? She recommends paying off consumer debt before buying a house. Everybody in our families always says to buy a house as soon as possible - any house, just to get into the market.
We realized that consumer debt was NOT inevitable and by having it, we were making Visa rich rather than making ourselves financially better off. We also realized that if we bought a house while still in debt, we would likely never get out of debt because we would have a big morgage and probably charge home repairs and all that. Additionally, with money going to credit card payments we didn't have as much availible for the morgage and wouldn't be able to afford as much house.
So, we are now 2 months away from paying off ALL our consumer debt (happy dance). We will be in a position to buy a home probably in a year. With our original plan we would have been buying something very soon or already bought, but we would still have consumer debt and wouldn't be able to afford the house we want.
Ok - that was a long story, but the bottom line is - I am glad be listened to Suze. We may not have a house yet, but in 2 months we will be out of debt!!! I couldn't be happier.
You need to get a prenup.
Carrie
Good Luck